#(& I spend a lot of time on making these so yes I'd appreciate respect if you interact)

[changisworld]

“Are you being serious?”

Fuckboy!hyunjin x reader

Word count;8,001

Summary: You & Hyunjin are finally moving into a positive direction, finals are now here though so you are both trying to focus on that, meaning you both can’t spend so much time with each other unless you both want to go insane. You tell your lecturer how well your assignments are going & he gets the bright idea to let you tutor someone in your class who is struggling a lot & is in desperate need of help… that being Hyunjins friend, Han Jisung.

18+, MDNI, SMUT WARNINGS UNDER THE CUT.

main masterlist here

part 1 here & part 2 here

ALL WARNINGS: Jealous Hyunjin, Jealous reader, Possessive Hyunjin, voyeurism??, recording, spit, creampie, fingering, oral(m rec), body worship, PIV, unprotected sex, marking, begging, dirty talk, praise, angst & fluff, crying after sex, brief aftercare (more happens off screen), soft hyunjin

-> reader is described as Hyunjins girlfriend & 'she/her' pronouns are used a few times but its brief<3

->This isn’t proofread so if there’s any errors i apologise mwah x

In the month running up to finals, you have been absolutely drowned in assessments & of course you need to pass, so for that reason, you n Hyunjin haven't spent as much time together. You do both study together every once in a while but you work a lot better on your own & he respects that, leaving you to it as he studies in his own free time.

You have both been doing well in the sense your feelings have grown for one another but college is still the same, Hyunjin still being the bubbly person, sitting with his large group of friends while you sit further at the back, but to give him credit he does openly choose to work with you for random partner tasks (which half of the girls in the same course a you now resent you for) & he brings you a drink at least once a day.

You've just submitted one of your last essays (which you're proud of of course) & now you can relax a whole lot more than you were before... until your lecturer asks you if you would like an extra few credits.

You of course say yes, knowing it will definitely help if for some reason you get marks taken off for your other grades, not thinking it would be too hard to complete, that is until he tell you what you need to do.

"Jisung has been really struggling y/n, you can really help him & I know you can since you've never had below a ninety. Don't feel pressured please, but I'm sure he would really appreciate it." He says to you, giving you a pleading look.

You sigh before just nodding your head, not wanting to let your professor down, but also don't want someone in your class to fail simply because you couldn't be bothered to help him.

You know he's really good friends with Hyunjin, him mentioning a few times & they have always sat beside one another, loving to piss off everyone around them. You know he doesn't take anything too seriously but you would feel more guilty if you didn't at least try.

"Thank you y/n. I'll be sure to tell him when I next speak to him one on one. I'll see you tomorrow & I'll have him come talk to you, if he gives you a hard time though by being an idiot, don't be afraid to stop helping him, you're not being forced." He says to you in a cheery voice as he fixes his papers, messy all over his desk. You say your goodnights to each other & you leave the building, making the short journey home.

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You get home & of course Hyunjin is already waiting for you, Tuesdays being the one day a week you promises you would spend time together, regardless of the busy schedules.

"Took you long enough, thought you had fell asleep in the damn hall. What was it he was talking to you about? I'd rather swallow a whole potato in one go than waste my time talking to that guy outside of hours, that guy hates me." Hyunjin questions, not looking up at you for more than a second as he stirs the pasta he is cooking for the both of you.

" He hates you because you made that mans hair go grey with the stress you've causes him n trust me, I almost did, we were talking about how I'm preparing for finals, he also asked me to help one of your friends with a whole lot of it." you sigh as you kick your shoes off & putting your bag on the coat peg hung up on the wall, on the tiny bit of free space that Hyunjins multiple jackets & hoodies now clogging up.

"Really? wait taste this, n who is it? Half my friends are dumbasses so you've got your work cut out, good luck to ya." Hyunjin jokes as he holds up the wooden spoon to your lips, his other hand underneath the spoon to catch any droplets.

You taste it n let out a hum of approval which makes him smile before turning around to continue stirring a few more times before going into your cupboard to grab two plates. "Your friend Jisung! I'm surprised he asked me out of all people, I've only had one actual conversation with him n that was during freshers, I only remember because he was wearing those glasses of his & kept bursting out into song randomly." you chuckle as you recall the memory, getting you both a glass before going into your fridge to grab the bottle of prosecco you bought yesterday just for this occasion.

Hyunjin stops his movement for a second before replying with a 'mhmm' & you don't think too much of it, grating some cheese before putting it on the coffee table in your living room rambling about random stuff, but his mind doesn't move. "So about Jisung, did you say yeah to helping him?" he asks, setting both of your plates down on the small table before grabbing two cushions off your couch n placing them on the floor, patting it for you to sit down next to him.

"Yeah, I agreed because I've only got a few more things to do n I'll be finished, I'd feel guilty for saying no, I can't let him just fail the entire course because I couldn't be bothered you know? If what you're worried about is that I won't have time for you, you're wrong, I'll still be seeing you on Tuesdays regardless." You reply in an your usual tone, giving Hyunjin a peck on the cheek as you thank him for the pasta before picking up your fork & taking a bite.

"Jisung.. Isn't someone you wanna try teach, It's a waste of your time, you should probably pass on the offer. You should help me! I'm sooo stuck on the power point." he responds, his voice monotone, trying to hide how pissed he actually is.

"Hyune, we both know you're not struggling, you only have like two more things to do so stop being silly, n besides, I get a few extra credits if I do it so it will be worth it." you say after swallowing a bite, looking at him & that's when you realise his body language, completely giving away the fact he is now in a sulk as he purses his lips at what you say, not verbally replying to you.

"Hyunjin, what's up with you, hmm? You were so happy when I got home, is something bothering you?" you ask him, putting your fork down. "It's just.. Jisung is just gonna try get in your pants y/n. I know what he's like, if he actually gave a fuck about this grade, he woulda tried way before now, he has a music career now so he doesn't even need college." he says, pointing his fork at you & swaying it around as he speaks, his voice serious despite him trying to sound unbothered.

You just look at Hyunjin, honestly confused on where this attitude has came from. "Just because he might have another career once he leaves, doesn't mean he doesn't wanna pass, Hyune. He won't 'get in my pants' I don't even know him or anything about him apart from what you've told me." a tinge of annoyance in your voice now, not at all liking what he has to say.

"Alright." he mumbles as he begins eating, not wanting to discuss it further so you ignore it, moving onto a different conversation, which makes his mood slightly better than it was before.

Hyunjin leaves an hour or so later, after helping you wash up & cuddling with you until you were dozing off. You give him a sheet of notes you had written earlier in that day just for him to help him with his own essays, changing the wording a whole bunch so he wouldn't accidentally write something similar to you have done, which he can't help but blush at the thoughtfulness. He leaves your apartment in the same mood when you first came home earlier on.

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You're walking to your morning class after grabbing a drink from the cafeteria when you hear someone calling your name from behind you over the music of your headphones, you turn around to see Jisung being the reason your name is being said, his dorky little smile looking back at you as he walks up to you.

"Hi y/n, in case you didn't know but I'm Jisung n I just wanna say thank you for helping me with all of this, means loads to me." he says, giving you an awkward chuckle as his hand rubs against the nape of his neck.

"Don't worry about it, just don't make it a waste of my time, I still need to do loads of my own stuff so I won't be waiting around for you." responding in a cold tone as you put your headphones on again before walking to your class.

You take your own unofficial seat & just go on your phone, not paying much attention to the things going on around you, blocking out the multiple conversations going on around you.

You look down to the right corner of the auditorium & notice Hyunjin isn't sitting in his own usual spot.

You; Where r u? u okay? Hyune<3: yea, just slept in lol, just take pics of what u write n i can use that, ill probs be in after break

You begin texting a response when the chair next to you is pulled out & someone sits beside you, you look to your left & Han is smiling at you, pulling his books out of his bag & placing them on the desk.

"Sir told me to come n sit beside you since he is helping yuna right now n he doesn't have time to re-explain it all to me. You still okay to help me, right?" He blurts out, looking at you with his boba eyes, you just nod your head & he smiles.

Jisung begins to show you where he's at on each part of the assessments he needs to do & shows you the very few notes he has actually been bothered to write down.

"You've only wrote this..? for an entire years worth of work this is all you have to help you?" yo snort as you hand back his notepad, your eyebrows raised. "I thought it wouldn't be this intense!" he responds, his voice whiney.

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You spend the next hour roughly explaining how to do the main parts of everything & you were writing down a few things for him since you realise he is a painfully slow writer, but you choose to hold your tongue since you think he is actually listening since he is actually asking you a question ever so often.

The time hits quarter past eleven so you grab your little blue money purse before standing up to leave for your break when Jisung moves his chair out so you can't leave. "Y/n, could I get your number or something? so I can text you.. about the work! of course." Han asks you as he stands up to face you fully.

"Awk yeah that would make sense, alright." you take one of your pens off the desk & open the cap before grabbing Jisungs hand before you write your number on it & then squeezing yourself past him, walking up the rest of the stairs to leave but he runs up to you again to begin walking with..well, behind you, ignoring his friends at the other end of the room shouting his name.

"Thanking you y/nnie, I can call you y/nnie right? anyways what's your plans for after college hours? Do you have a job you gotta get to? Any sorta clubs? I get the vibe you definitely are a part of... an art class. I woulda said book club but I feel as if that's too basi-" "You talk so much, holy shit. My plan is to finish what I need to finish tonight or tomorrow so I'll have time to actually help you" you cut off, rolling your eyes as you begin walking one of the common area benches, Jisung still trailing behind you.

You sit down & Jisung settles himself beside you, smiling at his friends whenever they walk past, talking your ear off as you just stare at him, not paying attention.

A minute later, You turn away from Jisung & lean your head against the wall in annoyance , Jisung now talking about how he lived in Malesia & almost got eaten by an alligator when your eyes scan the area & that's when you notice Hyunjin strolling towards you. You lean back upright & smile n wave at him & he smiles back, until Han pops his head out from behind you to see who you're waving at, your body no longer covering him from the way you're both sitting.

Hyunjin reaches you but doesn't sit down, instead standing in front of both of you. "Heya y/n, hi jisung, what you both talking about." Hyunjin says in a weird tone of voice, sounding slightly off standish. "Couldn't tell ya, sir didn't really go over anything new so I didn't write anything down to give you, he was just answering others questions, come sit." you say as you pat the spot beside you but he doesn't budge, feet staying glued to the floor, hi eyes moving to now look at the man sitting beside you.

"So if he was answering questions all day, why'd you not just ask him for help on what to do? Why are you putting more on y/ns plate?" Hyunjin spits to jisung, his facial expressions scarily neutral. "Because he would spend an entire day explaining it to me! I asked y/n a million times if it's fine n it's fine! y/n doesn't mind it." Han whines back, throwing his hands around & that's when Hyunjin notices your number drawn onto his hand.

Hyunjin looks at it then back at the both of you before scoffing. "Point is, you don't give a fuck about passing, I'm not stupid. I'll see you later." he speaks in the same cold tone, tapping your head condescendingly before walking away & down the hall out of sight.

"What the hell is his problem, he has such an attitude." you murur, mostly to yourself but Jisung responds anyway. "dunno, maybe stress." feigning innocence.

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Hyunjin walks into class, blood boiling. He sits on the opposite side than he usually does & puts his headphones on, basically throwing the items in his bag onto his desk before logging into his computer & pulling up his word document.

He doesn't look up at any of the noise around him, other students for some reason spending their break in the same room they've been sitting in for four hours now until someone taps his head before pulling his headphones off his head.

"Nice song, what's it called?" Lisa chimes as Hyunjin turns around, relaxing when he sees it's just her & not a random person trying to piss him off. "You're still on your essay? y/n handed hers in already, didn't your little girlfriend feel like helping you out?" she remarks, sitting on the edge of the desk, swinging her legs while she looks down at him.

"y/n.. isn't my 'girlfriend' so to speak n anyways, we both agreed to do it on our own since y/n concentrates better that way n i've learned that so do I, so if you could leave Lisa i'd like that." he responds, his tone sounding more rude than he intended.

"Who pissed in your cereal Hyunjin, jeez. That sucks, I'd love for you to help me, I'm further behind than I wanted to be, can I borrow your notes at least? & you sure y/n works better on her own? She was helping Jisungie a wholeeee bunch earlier." she speaks back, sweet toned, the smile not wiping off her face for even a second, picking up his notepad & flicking through it.

"Mhmm, just take it n give it back at the end of the day. I told y/n helping Jisung is a waste of time but sir n Jisung both wormed their way into her brain knowing she would feel too guilty for saying no, she didn't listen to me, she's too kind." he replies, not bothering to look up at Lisa despite feeling her eyes almost burning two holes into his side profile.

"Clearly not too kind if she can't listening to her own boyfriendddd" she teases, ruffling up his hair. "I told you, we aren't officially together, you taking my notes or no? I have stuff to do Lisa." he snarks as he finally actually looks up at her as she jumps off the desk, jotter in hand.

"I know, just wanted to hear you confirm the fact. I would ask you to send me the notes but you've blocked my number, y/n has you so bitched, didn't think I'd see the day." Hyunjin just rolls his eyes as Lisa says this but he sees you & Jisung walking back into the room, six or seven levels above & he gets an idea.

He rolls his chai out, blocking Lisas path as he looks up at her, a puzzled look on her face. "If you say please, I'll think about unblocking youuu." he taunts, his pretty smile showing on his face. Lisa looks up at you in your usual seat, noticing your quick glances down back at them, trying to not make it too obvious before looking back down at Hyunjin. "Pretty please, Jinnie?" she responds, battering her eyelashes as she ruffles his hair again.

He chuckles before moving out of the way, letting her past. As she leaves, he murmurs a 'next joke, fuck that' to himself, internally cringing at the conversation between them before pressing play on his spotify again & doing his work.

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The day finally ends & you are quick to get out of the room, not being surprised if steam was coming out of your ears with how pissed you are. You noticed Lisa & Hyunjin speaking & you were unable to concentrate from that moment on. 'Why was she touching him?' 'Why was he flirting with her?' 'what a fucking dick' keep bursting into your mind & you honestly want to punch them both in the face.

Hyunjin gets his notepad back from Lisa & walks away without saying much of anything to her, trying to catch up to someone in particular... Jisung.

He knows his schedule like the back of his hand & it doesn't take much walking or time to find him, sitting on a small ledge waiting for the main music room to be unlocked for him, Chris & Changbin, eating a packet of skittles, filling his chubby cheeks while just idly looking around.

"Heya Hyunjin, you alright?" He questions, pulling his legs closer to his chest so Hyunjin can sit down opposite him, which he does. "Been better, got a question for you though." he sighs, leaning forward to dig his hand into Jisungs packet & takes out a handful of skittles, dumping the green ones back into the packet.

"Go f'r it." he speaks, words muffled as he pours more into his mouth. "What you doing with y/n? I pretty much made it clear to stay away, so what is your problem? You coulda asked anyone to help you but I know you went to sir n specifically asked for y/n's help, you can't fool me I've known you too long." he questions, his voice sounding far too normal for it to be comfortable.

"You didn't tell me shit, n I'm not a toddler, what makes you think you can tell me what to do? You're not actually together together so why can't I simply speak to her?" he remarks, smirking at him knowing he is getting under his skin as he throws his empty food wrapper at the bin but missing, making him kiss his teeth.

Hyunjin scoffs at his words, in disbelief. "Han stop being a dick, y/n is mine n it's that simple so just fuck off, I've never told you to leave anyone fuck alone until now so just do it? It's not difficult believe it or not." Hyunjin snaps back, getting more annoyed as the clock ticks by, not bothering to keep his tone quiet as another student walks by every once in a while.

"Yea n we also agreed we wouldn't cockblock each other yet here you are, you guys aren't official which you said yourself so it's fair game. You can't claim someone if you're still flirting with your other little side pieces, me & y/n saw you n Lisa earlier. You seriously wanna get rid of everyone else you see for one person? Next joke." he replies, his voice raising at the end, honestly enjoying how pissed off Hyunjin is getting, his face getting more & more red.

"Lisa is literally nothing to me n yea-" Hyunjin is cut off as Changbin n Chan swivel around the corner, all smiles. "Heya Hyunjin, not seen you in ages, Jisung I got the key so we can go in now, you coming Hyun?" Chan questions as he turns his back to unlock the door.

"Nah, I'm busy n got things to do, I'll speak to you all later." Hyunjin replies, squishing Changbins cheeks playfully, trying to ease any tension the others are starting to sense, before walking off, his breathing intense as he leaves the building & pretty much speed walking home.

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He enters his complex building & storms up the multiple flights of stairs, skipping a step or two each time. He turns the corner & sees you sitting on his doormat, both of you making eye contact.

You stand up & wipe any dirt that could be on you as Hyunjin sighs, stopping in front of you as he moves one of his headphone speakers, not even bothering to fully pull them off.

"Are you gonna speak to me n tell me what's wrong with you Hyunjin?" You speak out, placing your hands on your hips. "Do you seriously not know what you've done? Give me a fucking break. Move, I want to get inside." he spits back before trying to worm his way around you but you stop him.

"Hyunjin what the fuck is your problem? I've done jack shit n yet you're treating me as if I'm an annoyance to you! I'm not leaving till I get an answer." you yell back, getting even more pissed at his attitude.

"I'm not even going to bother arguing with you, especially in my fucking hallway y/n, get inside." He spits out as he pushes your arm away & unlocks his door before entering, not bothering to shut it as he knows you're gonna end up following him.. which you do.

You shut his door behind you & chase behind him as he walks into his bedroom & throwing off his hoodie, not even acknowledging you as he does his usual routine.

"So you gonna explain or what? Also turn around when I speak to you, don't be so fucking rude Hyunjin." you utter, speaking to his back as he doesn't even bother looking at you.

"Got nothing to explain. You gonna tell me why you wrote your number on Jisungs arm when I specifically told you what he would be actually wanting from you & after telling you it would be a complete waste of time?" He scoffs, rolling his eyes as he turns around to look back at you, leaning on his desk.

You raise your eyebrows at him, not being able to hold back the shocked laugh at his words. "Are you being fucking serious? First of all Hyunjin, I'm not a kid that you can boss around n second of all, I only gave him my number so he can ask me about anything he needs & I'm basically finished everything I need to do for finals so I don't fucking care about helping your friend out a bit!" you yell back, your heart beginning to race.

"It's fucking obvious he was flirting with you y/n?! Are you really that naive to fucking see it? Sorry to be the one to tell you but it's true." he replies, swinging his arms around & pointing as he speaks.

"So fucking what if he was? It changes absolutely nothing since I'm not interested! But if you want to speak about flirting, you're a huge fucking hypocrite since you were basically drooling over Lisa earlier & you knew I was watching! Your attitude is disgusting & if you're acting like this when we aren't even official then what makes you think that is what I want? You're straight up immature." you shout, your voice going a bit raspy & your hands shaking.

"I did that because I was fucking hurt about what you were doing! & I know we aren't officially together but you haven't been acting as if you want to be with me! You don't even listen to me y/n when I know what the hell I'm talking about. I chosen you for me to actually try get into a relationship with but I'm thinking it's not worth it." he cries out, tears threatening to leave his eyes as he says this, shouting back at you.

"Are you trying to insinuate I'm 'lucky' to be in this position with you, get off your fucking high horse holy shit! I didn't flirt with Han at all but you can't say the same about you & Lisa, how am I supposed to trust you if you act like this over something so small? This isn't even fucking worth it Hyunjin, I'm not going to let you see me as if I'm beneath you." you respond, your voice going monotone at the end as you shake your head at him before turning around to leave, realising this conversation is getting nowhere.

Hyunjin is quick to step across his room & get between you & the bedroom door, blocking you from leaving. "When the hell did I say you're beneath me? Why can't you see how upset I am over all of this? I want to be with you in the future but you are just throwing it back in my fucking face? Do you just like the attention or something? Is that why you just straight up refused to listen to me?" he questions, looking right into your eyes with his own, his eyes being similar to how they looked when he came to your house & confessed to you not too long ago, but with anger mixed in along with them this time.

"You're fucking joking, right? What 'attention' am I getting other than you yelling in my face about it? Stop being such a jealous prick Hyunjin, the future isn't now so you don't have this 'claim' on me like you think you do, as much as I want it & how much you claim yo want to, we aren't fucking dating & you wanna know why I think you're trying to hold back? Is because you like the attention & you won't be able to fuck anyone else without it being considered cheating! Come back to me when you can sort your jealousy & other issues out." You scream at him, a tear or two falling down your cheeks but you're quick to wipe them away, not looking right at him as you speak.

Hyunjin cackles at our words before yet again stopping you from being able to leave, putting his hand on the door handle. "You speak so much stuff that you're convinced you know all about but you couldn't be so wrong it's honestly a joke. I don't want anyone else but you & I've made it so clear since the start, You expect me to not be jealous when someone is fawning over you.. what's mine? Acting as if your blood doesn't boil when anyone flirts with me? You being so pissed about Lisa is a prime example. Stop acting like you're any better than me, that you're not just as possessive over me, you just don't wanna seem like a psycho about it." He replies, his tone still full of venom but no longer yelling at you, tonguing his cheek.

"Why wouldn't I be jealous? I'm clearly threatened by all the girls who drool over you, even more so because I'm not similar to those girls, I'm not as confident or straight up ballsy as them! But the way you've gone about everything is so wrong Hyunjin." You cry, voice lowering to match his but the tears not fully stopping & he takes his finger to wipe them away, pouting.

"I'd be lying if I said you admitting you're jealous isn't hot, but stop fucking worrying, I wouldn't give you the time of day if I wasn't one hundred percent sure. Stop crying too, you don't need to. But being for real, y/n, sto-" He is cut off as your phone begins ringing in the back pocket of your jeans & Hyunjins arm is quick to swing around & pull it out before reading the nameless number, Hyunjin hands it to you with his eyebrows raised, already knowing who it is.

You answer the phone & It's obviously Jisung, who doesn't even give you time to say anything before asking you a whole bunch of questions, saying he is 'stuck' on what to do.

As Jisung speaks, Hyunjin taps the 'speaker' button before ushering you towards his bed, his smirk not leaving his face. You look up at him with confused eyes as the back of your knees hit the bed, making you sit on it before Hyunjin pushes on your shoulder so you're laying fully down, your feet still on the floor of his room before getting on top of you & moving your head to the side before nuzzling his face in your neck, beginning to nibble at it, making you tense up beneath him & your breath hitches.

"Jisung can I call you ba-" You're cut off by Hyunjin nibbling down on your neck as he mumbles a 'nuh uh' & your hand reaches up to pull on Hyunjins hair & he does his best to hold back a groan, his hand slithering down to your jeans, unbuttoning the button after around thirty seconds of trying & then using his hand & legs to push them down just far enough for acccess.

He begins to allow his finger to graze over the outside of your pussy, feeling the fabric of your panties, not failing to feel over the small wet patch now visible as he sucks a dark purple hickey into the crook of your neck & your eyes scrunch together as you bite your lip, trying to not make a sound.

"I did the first two paragraphs but I'm stuck on what quotes to use, I think the ones I've chosen are too short to keep writing about, what quotes did you choose?" Han questions on the other end of the phone but you're barely paying attention as the man above you now wriggles his fingers under your panties, now drawing small circles on your clit, making you gasp.

"You can't use t-the same quotes I use J-jisung, read what you've chose o-out to me." you stutter out, hips grinding against Hyunjins fingers as best as you can with the position you're in.

Jisung begins to read out his quotes & Hyunjin can't help but let out a small chuckle, half at how hard Han is trying but the other half being at how hard you're trying to remain coherent, so he steps up his actions. He cups your pussy before dragging his hand down to your dripping hole & entering two fingers in, a small squelch being heard & your legs tense up even more as you melt into his lips, still suckling hickey after hickey into your neck.

"Y/n? Am I breaking up? We can meet up if you want & you can go over it, I know a café we can meet at if you're free?" He requests & Hyunjin breaks away from you neck to reply for you. "y/n is busy, figure it out." he remarks as he hangs up before turning your phone off & tossing it to the side.

"Didn't know you're into that, y/nnie, you're so wet just from a few touches? So dirty." he remarks, smirking at you before locking his lips with yours, his tongue tasting your own before he even gives you time to respond & you bring your hands to cup his cheeks.

His fingers begin to hit against your G-spot as he uses a 'come here' motion as his thumb begins to rub your clit from side to side, making you whine into his mouth, making him smirk.

You move your arm down, dragging your nails down the front of him & over his abs over his shirt before beginning to palm his cock over his joggers, making his hips jerk forward before changing your position by rolling himself onto the bed & pulling you so you're straddling him, his fingers leaving your cunt as he does so, making you whince.

You begin grinding over his covered hard on after kicking your jeans fully off, you being left in just your shirt & panties. "Maybe you're the dirty one Hyune, can't resist touching me while your friend is on the phone hmm?" You finally have the chance to reply & Hyunjin chuckles as his hands come down to your ass, fondling the skin. "Oh but I can resist, but why would I when it's funny to hear him try ask you out while disguising it as 'studying' while you're at my house currently half naked?" he replies instantly, biting his lip as your wetness is now soaking through your panties & leaving a small spot on his clothes, staining them.

You roll your eyes before you pull his shirt off his body, messing up his hair a bit before you slither yourself off the bed & onto his carpeted floor & tugging on his joggers, his hips raising to help you remove them, leaving him in only his underwear.

"You're being bold for someone who couldn't take more than a quarter of my cock last time you sucked it, you trying to train yourself for Jisung?" he teases, resting his bodyweight on his elbows, looking down at you as you pull his hardened cock out, pumping it slowly in your hand.

"Maybe I just didn't want to take any more seeing since I have no idea where it's been." you spit back, looking up at him as you smirk, your bottom lip in between your teeth as you let a glob of spit escape your lips & fall onto his pretty pink tip. He opens his mouth to respond but you cut his words out of his chest by licking a long strip from just above his base to his tip before letting the tip fall past your lips, suckling on it softly, making him hiss.

You let your tongue swirl against his tip before you begin dipping your head lower, allowing your mouth to take part of his shaft in your mouth too. You are still a bit nervous since it's only your second time sucking cock but Hyunjins words fuel you to prove to him you can take it all, so as he is taking a deep breath out, hand holding your hair out of your face, you force your head down further so over half of his cock is now in your mouth & you hollow your cheeks, making his toes curl & have to consciously try not jerk his hips into your mouth.

"You been practicing y/n? Doing so well, taking it so g-good, so pretty." he groans, lightly slapping your cheeks, feeling his cock through the skin of your cheek, giving him butterflies.

You begin to bob your head up & down his cock as you use your hand to jerk him off in the same rhythm, making his grip in your hair tighter as his groans & hisses get more frequent, making you convinced you're probably leaking your own wetness onto the floor you're situated on.

You let yourself off his cock to catch a breath as you let all the spit that's formed in your mouth get dribbled back onto his cock if it hasn't already fell past your lips & you look up at him with glossy eyes as you pump him at a faster pace, his cheeks blown out & now breathing out his mouth.

"Only practice I've gotten is off the pretty boy I'm looking at right now." you chuckle, honestly having no idea where the confidence is coming from before you blow cold air onto his tip, making him yelp & scrunch his eyes shut before leaning forward to pull you back onto the bed.

"I refuse to cum before fucking you" he mumbles, out of breath as he kisses you again, full of tongue. "Open your mouth." he hushes as he breaks away from your lips, fingers playing with your folds over your panties again, his wet cock against your thigh.

You do as he says & he spits into your mouth, humming as you swallow it, nothing but lust in both of your eyes. "Such a slut deep down, aren't you? You want more? Your hips can't fucking stay still." he chuckles, biting his lip as he looks down at the sight below, your lower half squirming to try get more friction & you just whine.

"Hyune.. Please give me it, don't I deserve it?" You question, seduction tinging your voice & Hyunjin can't stop the feeling of his cheeks & ears going hot, the way you're currently talking making his head spin.

He stands up & pulls you towards the edge of the bed, still laying on your back as he peels off your soiled underwear, your pussy glistening & his mouth waters, deciding to spit right onto your clit, making you whine.

He pushes your legs that little bit further apart before situating himself between them, jerking himself slowly while looking down at you. "How bad do you want it, hmm? tell me how much you want it, pretty." he speaks, not looking away from your pretty face as he hits his tip against your clit, making a tiny, sticky slapping noise. "Hyune I deserve it, want it so much, don't I? Look how wet I am for you." you whine, fingers trailing down to spread your lips, exposing your hole to him.

Hyunjin groans at the action , his cock twitching as he aligns himself up with your entrance. "Say it one more time, didn't quite hear you." he replies, hand caressing the inside of your thigh as he drags his cock up & down your folds. "Hyunjin please just put it in! I need it s-" Your cries are cut off as he pushes his tip past your hole & sheaves into you until his pretty, full & heavy balls are against your skin, making you gasp.

"You're so tight, Jisung not fucking you right?" He asks, trying to sound calm & collected when in reality he is trying to not cum on the spot, your warm, wet walls wrapping around his dick perfectly. "t-stop winding me up hyune, please move." you whine in response, making Hyunjin smirk as he retracts his hips before thrusting back into you, knocking the air out of your lungs.

He sets a slow but powerful pace, small squelching noises & both of your whines & grunts filling not only his bedroom but the entire apartment. "For someone wh-who's such a fu-fuckboy, you're not fucking me l-like one." You struggle but get the words out, wanting to give him a taste of his own medicine & it works as he grunts before pushing the backs of your thighs up against your chest before beginning to pound into you, making you squeal.

"You wanna try repeat that for me, hmm? You're saying that as if anyone can fuck you like this but me, your cunt is mine, can't your brain understand that or are you just too much of a whore to only want one dick?" He snaps at you, his hair sticking to his forehead because of the sweat as he abuses your cunt, his thumb reaching down to your cunt, making you yelp & your hips begin meeting his thrusts halfway.

You shake your head but he isn't happy with that response & he grabs your face by the cheeks, forcing you to look up at him as he leans forward. "Words, y/n, where did your boldness go, hmm? Who's pussy is this? Tell m-me." He asks, breath quick & short as he doesn't slow down for even a second, letting out a hiss as you reach up to his back & digging your nails into him on accident, for sure leaving marks later but none of you bothering to care.

"Y-y-yours! Hyun-jin I'ma c-cum." you screech, brain going completely blank, your body almost exploding with sensation. Hyunjin smirks at you before standing upright again, continuing his assault on your swollen cunt. "Cum for me then, show me how good I-I make you feel, Only I can do this for you, can't I? Only I know how to m-make you feel so good, you look so beautiful under me, you need to see." he groans back at you, throwing his head back momentarily before looking back down at you as you cum around his cock, wriggling & squirming as it washes over you, your knuckles going white from the grip you have on his bedsheets.

He fucks you through your orgasm, leaving you breathless before he pulls out. You don't have much time to question it however as he pulls out of you & grabbing your phone off the floor before returning to you.

"Gonna show you how fucking hot you look, It's on your phone so it's just for your eyes, no stress." He says, breathless as he turns on the video option before pressing record & sliding himself back into you, your orgasm forming a white ring around his base.

You clench around his thick cock, partly from overstimulation as he begins pumping into you again, chasing his own release now. The camera is pointed at you so you decide to act up a little, pulling your shirt above your tits, exposing your hardened buds to the camera & cold air of the room, making Hyunjin whine. "Look how beautiful you are y/n, you're anything & everything I could e-ever fucking want, taking me so well, I've t-trained you to take my c-cock so well." he says in a husky voice, his throat now dry as he continues ogling you, looking down at your swollen, reddened pussy, dragging the phone down to let the screen get a good look too, watching it tense & clench around him, making his knees almost buckle.

His eyes widen as your fingers move up to your pretty tits as you begin playing with your own nipples, tugging & pulling on them before raising your fingers to Hyunjins lips & he gladly suckles on them, moaning onto them before you pull them out of his mouth & caress your now spit covered nipples softly.

"You like the c-camera, beautiful? You-you're so dirty, so p-perfect for me. Turn your pretty face to the side, show the camera w-what you let me do to you y/nnie" He groans, his voice high pitched & squeaky & you do as he says instantly, not fully processing what he meant or said as he move the camera upwards, showing the purple marks he has inprinted on your skin.

"G-gonna cum y/n." he forces the words out & before you even realise, you're wrapping your legs around his waist & pulling him towards you. He tosses the phone to the side again before falling onto his elbows on each side of your head & you use the rest of your strength to tilt your head up enough to connect your lip to his neck & you begin pinching the skin of his neck with your teeth & you suck a big purplish red mark into his neck as his own orgasm washes over him.

He melts into your skin as his orgasm fills you, coating your walls & giving you goose bumps. You let him fully lay on you as you softly kiss his neck & earlobe, letting him catch his breath back as you also try relax your own breathing.

You lay like this for a minute or two in complete silence as you now begin playing with Hyunjins wet hair, before tears start leaving your eyes. You begin to sniffle & Hyunjins brain switches itself back on as he pushes his head up from your neck to look at you, now crying.

"Y/nnie, why are you crying? Did I hurt you?" He begins to panic as he moves off of you to start checking you but you sit up too, basically following him as you wrap your arms around him, pulling him back down to you.

"Just stay here f'r a bit, Hyune I'm sorry, I didn't know how upset I would make you." you sniffle, not looking right at him as he looks at your reddened face, his heart hurting. "I'm sorry too, I don't want you to feel insecure, I was being stupid. Can we.. go on a proper date? I know it's not the most romantic time or place to ask but I was n still am serious about only wanting you y/n, I mean it, pinkie swear." He asks you in a soft voice & he holds out his pinkie to you & you can't help but let out a small giggle as you interlock them together then kissing your thumbs before locking in the promise.

"Took you long enough to fucking ask me." You reply as you wipe the tears off your cheeks, reaching up to kiss Hyunjin on the cheek & his already red cheeks get an even darker shade.

"Better late than never, Stay here n I'm gonna get us a drink n we can go for a bath." He kisses your forehead before getting off of you but he takes the time to shuffle you up to his pillows & laying your head on it as he grabs his bed throw & lays you under it so you're not just sitting there, before leaving the room dancing & singing.

"Y/n & Hyunjin sitting in a tree" He sings out loud as he walks around his house & you can't help but laugh. "Stop singing that or I'll change my mind!" You yell & he shuts up instantly (not including the whine of protest he yells back), making you laugh to yourself.

I'm not completely sure I want to do a fourth part to this so in case this is actually the finale, I really hope everyone who has taken the time to read it has enjoyed reading the past 3 parts as much as I enjoyed writing them & thank you for all the kind words! <3

TAGS: @tsunderelino @troublemaker02 @ismokeeweed @lmhcats @isagerada

[cherry-holmes]

Glimpse of a life with Javier Peña (series)

Chapter 2

MAIN MASTERLIST

Summary: Javi fucked up things with you.

SERIES MASTERLIST PART 3

Pairing: Javier Peña x Female Reader

Word count: +2.5k

Warnings: none. No use of Y/N.

A/N: Chapter 2 is here! As always I want to thank you for your support! I hope you like this one and be ready for moreeee!🫶🏻✨ I love reading your comments and reblogs, so keep the coming✨

I’m open for requests. Javier Peña, Joel Miller, Din Djarin, Loki, BBC Sherlock, Supernatural���😏

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Work made time fly quickly. You had a lot of paperwork to do every day, and it seemed endless – spending hours reading reports and files and then translating them on your typewriter. However, something had been making the last two weeks feel easier, or better to say, someone.

Every afternoon, Javier Peña visited your office to hand you his and Murphy's daily reports. You wondered when Messina would withdraw Javier's punishment, but you weren't sure if you wanted her to do it. You didn't have a lot of friends at work since your department consisted of only one employee – you. You had some conversations with secretaries and officers during your lunch breaks, but you always returned alone to your small office.

So, when Javier visited and talked with you for at least a couple of minutes, it made you feel less isolated in the demanding work environment. The couple of days when he didn't visit because he was on a raid out of the base, you couldn't help but feel a bit disappointed. You became accustomed to the smell of cigarettes and men's cologne that lingered in the air whenever he was around. Sometimes he also smelled like black coffee, and on his roughest days, even like whiskey.

It became a small but pleasant routine, these short daily visits from Javier. You'd sometimes share a funny story or a piece of office gossip, and occasionally, you'd laugh together. Those brief moments helped create a sense of camaraderie between you and the charming DEA agent.

Until one particular day, as Javier handed you the reports, he leaned casually against your office doorframe, a playful grin tugging at his lips. "You know," he began, "I've been thinking. Maybe you and I should grab a drink after work one of these days. Get to know each other a little better, outside of this crazy office."

His proposition took you by surprise. You hadn't expected this kind of invitation. Your mind raced as you tried to decide how to respond. Javier watched you intently, his eyes filled with a mix of curiosity and something else you couldn't quite put your finger on.

You were about to say yes immediately, but you knew better than to let yourself fall into the den of the beast so easily. You had heard a lot about Javier Peña and his charming ways, known to lead any woman to his bed. And although you had been enjoying the friendly conversations with him, you didn't want to rush into anything too quickly.

You met his gaze, your own eyes locking with his. "Javier," you began carefully, "I appreciate the offer, I really do. But, I have to be honest, you have quite the reputation, and I don't want to misinterpret our friendship."

Javier's smirk hesitated, as he tried to process your response. He looked like it was the first time he'd been rejected, and it caught him off guard. He straightened his back and moved his hand as if dismissing the importance of it all.

"Wow," he said with a touch of sarcasm, "I never thought I'd see the day when someone turned down a night with Javier Peña. Guess I overestimated our connection."

His words stung, and you could see a flicker of hurt in his eyes, even though he was trying to play it cool. You had unintentionally wounded his pride, and it seemed he was determined to strike back with a hint of meanness.

"It's not about our connection, Javier," you replied evenly. "It's about respecting boundaries and not rushing into something we might regret later."

«That I might regret later».

He sighed, his tone softening just a bit. "Fair enough. I get it. I won't push," he said, his playful charm replaced by a more somber demeanor. "Let's just forget I ever brought it up. We can stick to our friendly chats. No harm done."

The atmosphere in the room grew tense, and you both lapsed into an uneasy silence. It was clear that your rejection had affected him more than he let on, and you couldn't help but feel a sting of guilt for hurting his feelings.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

He didn't mean it.

"I never thought I'd see the day when someone turned down a night with Javier Peña"?

What the fuck was that shit?

As Javier left your office, he felt guilty and embarrassment for saying that. He knew his behavior wasn't correct, but the disappointment he felt really took him by surprise. He had been rejected a couple of times, he was prepared for your possible refusal. But what he didn't expect was the heavy weight he would feel when he heard you saying no.

For weeks, he had been feeling increasingly drawn to you, always wanting to be near you. He even used Messina's punishment as an excuse to visit your office, even after she withdrew it. Javier had finally come to the disconcerting realization that he was infatuated with you. So, he thought that perhaps by taking you out for a drink and even having you in his bed, he would get over it.

But as he got into his truck, he felt truly disillusioned. His ill-advised words had driven a split between you, and he couldn't shake the feeling that he had ruined any chance of building something more meaningful. Javier's fear of commitment was something that never kept him awake at night, not even after everything that had happened with Lorraine. He felt genuinely sorry for leaving her at the altar thirteen years ago, but he always told himself that she was much better without him. She needed someone with a lot more commitment than he had. Now, the topic seemed to be haunting him.

He wasn't mad because you hurt his ego; he was mad because you hurt the feelings he didn't know he had.

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Javier didn't come to your office again the following week. It wasn't the first time a man stopped talking to you after you rejected him. You were used to it. The moment you made it clear you wouldn't give them what they wanted, they magically lost interest in you, sometimes even resorting to calling you boring or, occasionally, a bitch.

You could sense this double standard in society. On one hand, they encourage women to freely explore their sexuality, which is great, but on the other hand, if you prefer to wait for the right time and the right person, you get labeled as "boring" or "prudish." It's as if there's no middle ground, no understanding that everyone has their own path and timing.

You had always believed in waiting for the right person, the one you truly cared about, to share such an intimate moment. It wasn't about religion, you didn't even believe on the false concept of ''purity'' or ''santity''; it was simply your personal choice.

So you thought Javier was just another man like many. It made you feel disappointed because you really liked him, but there wasn't anything you could do about it.

As you entered the office dining room, you spotted your usual group of female friends. They greeted you, and you joined them. All of you spoke in Spanish.

"Hello" you smiled as you greeted as you took your seat. The chatter at the table was lively, filled with laughter and bits of gossip about the office. These women had become your companions, and you cherished the moments you spent with them during lunch breaks.

As the conversation flowed, one of your friends, Marta, leaned in and asked in a teasing tone, "So, we've been seeing Agent Peña hanging around your office quite often lately. What's the story there?"

The mention of Javier made you pause for a moment, and you glanced at your friends, slightly surprised that they had noticed. "Oh, that," you said, attempting to play it off casually. "It's because of Messina's punishment. She made him handed me his reports."

Ana raised an eyebrow, a mischievous glint in her eye. "Messina's punishment? Come on, you were chatting for like two weeks straight. That punishment lasts only a couple of days."

You felt your cheeks flush as you tried to maintain your composure. Your friends were sharp, and they clearly had their suspicions. "Well," you began, searching for words, "maybe he did something to bother her again. You know how bossy she can get."

The women at the table exchanged knowing looks, and one of them, Maria, couldn't help but tease, "Hmm, a bad boy indeed. He must really that bad."

You sighed internally. With a sheepish smile, you finally confessed, "Okay, fine. We've been talking a lot. But it's just work-related, I promise."

Marta grinned. "Work-related, huh? Well, you can't blame us for being curious. Agent Peña isn't known for spending that much time in one place, especially chatting with a colleague."

You shrugged, realizing that your friends had seen through your explanation. "I guess we've been getting along. It's nice to have someone to talk to during those long work hours."

Your friends exchanged knowing glances again, and Maria leaned closer, her voice hushed. "Come on, spill the beans. Is there something more going on between you two?"

You hesitated, then decided to be honest. "No, there isn't. It's just work and friendly conversations. Javier is a nice guy, and I enjoy our talks."

Maria leaned in again, her tone more serious this time. "That's good to hear then, because, you know, we found out that he slept with Kelly. You know her, didn't you? The blonde one."

You paused, your heart sinking at the revelation. It didn't surprised you, but you felt a hole in your chest.

"Oh," you tried to composed yourself, "Well for them."

Sofia chimed in, her expression concerned. "Yeah, we just don't want you to get hurt. These things usually don't end well. Men like him, they tend to move on pretty quickly."

"You don't have nothing to worry about," you tell them, mixing your food but you had lost your appetite, "There's nothing between us, so Javier is free to do anyone he please."

The conversation moved on to other topics, but you couldn't help but feel a ache of disappointment and confusion. Why did Javier's involvement with someone else affect you like this? You told yourself it didn't matter, that you had your own principles and choices to stick to. But deep down, something had shifted, and you couldn't quite put your finger on it.

•••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

You and Javier had crossed paths around the office a couple of times during the following days, but neither of you made the effort to talk to each other. It was a bit awkward, but nothing that you actually mourned. You had heard that he spent at least two more nights with Kelly, until apparently, as you heard from Martha, she asked him to be more than just friends, and he said no. It wasn't a surprise; he had done that to more women at work. Everybody knew him.

On the other hand, Javier was desperate to get you out of his dreams. He told himself that he couldn't put a name to what he felt toward you, but the reality was that he just wanted to accept it. He had feelings for you, more than just wanting to be with you in bed. He wasn't in love - yet - but he did feel something. Your refusal had hit him harder than he expected. He couldn't deny that he cared more about you than he ever thought he would. But he had no idea how to approach you now.

The dimly lit room was filled with the lingering scent of passion and cigarette as Javier stood by the window, staring up at the distant lights of the city. Helena, lying on his bed, propped herself up on one elbow.

"Javi, what's been bothering you lately?," Helena asked, her voice soft and concerned.

Javier turned his head to look at her, his dark eyes meeting hers. He sighed and ran a hand through his tousled hair. "It's nothing, Helena, just work stuff," he replied, trying to dismiss her question.

Helena wasn't convinced. She had known Javier long enough to recognize when something was troubling him. "You can't fool me, Javier," she said with a knowing smile. "I can recognize a heart that's burdened."

He looked at her, his guard dropping slightly. "It's complicated," he admitted, his voice barely above a whisper.

Helena knew better than to press him for more details. As she watched Javier's back, her feelings were a complex mix of desire, longing, and a touch of sadness. She had known for a while that Javier was not just her client; she had developed a connection beyond the physical, even though Javier didn't.

She felt a heartache, waves of jealousy running through her veins, knowing that she could never compete with the other woman in his thoughts. Helena understood the nature of their arrangement – she was a hooker, and he was a DEA agent. Their worlds were inherently different, and she had resigned herself to the fact that he would never see her as more than a source of pleasure and information. Yet, despite her own rationalizations, Helena couldn't help but yearn for something more with Javier. She had developed genuine feelings for him over time, even though she knew it was a one-sided affair.

After Helena left his apartment, the night grew darker, and Javier lay awake in his bed, his mind racing with thoughts of you. He couldn't deny the growing feelings he had for you, and he knew he needed to do something about it. The distraction had reached a point where he couldn't ignore it any longer.

So he had made a decision. Tomorrow, he was going to approach you. He would apologize for the way he talked to you the other day, ask you out for a friendly drink, and see where things could go. It was a bold move for him, someone not accustomed to such personal pursuits.

As he mentally crafted his approach, he couldn't help but smile at the thought of your bright eyes and the way your laughter rang in his ears during those brief conversations in your office. Javier was convinced that there was something special about you, something that drew him in despite his best efforts to resist.

In the morning, Javier waited impatiently during the usual meeting in the office. He couldn't concentrate even when it was his turn to talk about the recent capture of one of Escobar's hitmen. Finally, as they left the meeting room, Murphy approached him and patted his back.

''Everything okay, Javi?'' he asked. Javier tried to keep it cool and waved a hand like it was nothing.

''I couldn't sleep well,'' he simply said as both agents arrived at their workplaces.

Steve chuckled, sitting at his desk and starting to gather all his paperwork. ''You were thinking about her, weren't you?'' he dared to ask. Javier and Steve trusted each other enough to tease one another. They never crossed the line but considered themselves friends.

Peña looked at him with annoyance, but it wasn't deep.

''Shut up, Murphy,'' he groaned as he gathered his own paperwork but didn't sit at his desk.

Steve looked at him with a grin, knowing his partner well enough to guess his next move.

''Two weeks without seeing her, and now you'll use Messina's punishment again as an excuse just to see her? What changed, Javi?'' he mocked.

''I told you to shut the fuck up,'' Javi said as he turned back toward your office, and Steve laughed.

Javier tried to remember the words he had spent the night trying to formulate and memorize. He was actually nervous. But just as he reached your doorway, his heart sank. He saw you engaged in conversation with Diego, another colleague from the office. The sight of you two talking, sharing a moment he wasn't a part of, left him feeling like an outsider. You were smiling, and there was a slight blush on your cheeks.

But not as flushed as she was with me, an intrusive thought echoed in the back of his head. He quickly turned away, his plans disrupted, and retreated to his own desk. Javier couldn't help but wonder if he had missed his chance with you. The uncertainty gnawed at him, leaving him in a state of frustration and craving.

NEXT CHAPTER

[yuxiangxian]

About the plot

Guys, hello. I'd like to talk to you today about the plot. For a long time I stood firmly on one idea because I was very passionate about it. I wanted there to be a life lesson to be learned from this anime, but guys, would it really be a CARTOON about turtles? I think, regardless of the fact that this project is separated (at least a little) from the franchise, it is still necessary to respect the boundaries of decency. That's why I was thinking about a new story today. But I have 2 questions for you.

I thought for a long time and... Maybe make April/Donnie canon?

Now I will explain my stupid idea. Why do I want to do this? Well, remember tmnt2012, when Donnie loved April, but he either pretended not to notice, or did not notice the truth. It hurt my heart so much, because maybe Donnie noticed, but it was just hope that lived in him. So I thought about this.

But in general, if you think about it... Just imagine Donny, any Donny, no matter what year. He is smart, he has a deep inner world. Yes, damn it, it will be interesting to spend time with him, he can tell a lot of interesting facts, in general he can tell a lot of things. Now I ask you... When you meet a person, do you only fall in love with their appearance? It doesn’t matter what a person is like on the outside (how beautiful he is or not), what matters is what he is like on the inside. Donnie is an interesting person and I think April might fall in love with him because of that. Let me know if this idea is crazy.

2. What about Fugitoid's story? (I don't remember how to spell his name, sorry)

Another strange idea from me. As far as I remember, it was in tmnt2012, but the story was never revealed to us, so I thought...

Haah, I want to thank the very good people again for the reblog: @zurdurer

@darkdull59 Thanks for your comments, I really appreciate it (and your drawings are amazing)

Thanks again if you read this. There will be a post this week with hairstyles for April. Good luck to everyone, we'll meet again)

[onefirstsole]

Finally, my sev.

Good job on reaching the very last post love!! I'm so proud of you. Now look at the top part of this post, notice how the date is also in June 3? Yes, that's because I already know my answer the very moment you asked to court me. Love, you made me feel all sorts of good things throughout my time with you. You made me feel special, loved, safe, appreciated, valued and respected. I know that I'll continue on feeling these things as long as I'm with you. In the span of 4 months of knowing each other, we've already been through a lot and I must say, we've been strong and healthy at the same time. Whenever we have our tampuhan, we always make sure to fix it rather than going to sleep with a heavy heart. Every moment I spent with you has been pure bliss, it made me realize how special you are to me. I love everything about you, I love how you make even the simplest moments feel the most special. I found my home in you love, and I believe that we'll be able to be with each other through ups and downs. I'd love to spend my time with you. And by that, I mean my milestones and triumphs in life, my birthdays, and even my losses. I'd love to spend my everydays with you. It's a yes, I love you so much girlfriend. : )

[dotthings]

An addition thought about Jared's comments about Dean, and here's the extra irony of it all, and of Jared stans embracing it without even thinking -- Jared contradicts Sam.

Sam would never. Actual Sam would never encourage Dean with any kind of idea of oh btw and if you decide to hurry up and follow me sooner that's fine.

Sam. Would want. Dean. To. Live. and he'd insist.

No I will not spend hours putting together a massive post of receipts on how hard Sam fought for Dean at times, or Sam praying for Dean, begging, because "Dean deserves a life" the list goes on and on and on and I'm tired of stans who don't understand the canon on their own supposed favorite causing people who do understand the canon to have to work so hard to counter their illogical canon-cancelling bs.

Jared doesn't understand his own character and this is not the first time he's said something upsetting that actually goes against Sam, not just disrespectful to Dean.

His own stans don't even notice or don't care how off his takes are.

Despite all the nonsense over Jared going back years, I've been able to separate Sam from it. Sam is fictional.

So now I'm irritated on Sam's behalf. The character does get a lot of hate, and the warping of the canon doesn't help, I'm not saying Sam is perfect and can do no wrong, but the sum total of Sam is good and I appreciate Sam. Sam deserves better than having him be so badly mis-represented by his actor.

This post should make the antis who stalk my blog angriest. I really hope it pisses them off. Yes that's right antis, I've got my dirty Dean loving, Cas loving, Sam loving fingers all over your guy, oh no what are you going to do!!!! I've been an spn fan for, what, 18 years now, and I've always loved Sam, not just Dean and Cas. Try and pry Sam away from me. At least I really think about him and am conscious of canon Sam.

Nor will I entertain "nobody understands these characters better than blah blah blah" -- usually I'd be respectful of that, after someone has inhabited a character inside their head for that long, of course. But what happens when an actor breaks that good faith, that contract? Jared broke it. I don't have to mindlessly repeat whatever Jared stans dictate I do.

And sad to say I don't think Jared is going to prove himself or repair this so it's down to I really hope that Jared's viewpoints will have modulation and mitigation so Sam doesn't get ruined. I fully do not trust Jared's input on anything spn any more. And it's my right. The same people who've been screaming rage on the internet for a year and a half hating on Jensen on the same grounds do not get to tell me not to have opinions on my own damn tumblr. Full stop.

[linagram]

[𝚊𝚔𝚒𝚘 𝚊𝚗𝚍 𝚊𝚒𝚖𝚒'𝚜 𝚝𝚛𝚒𝚊𝚕 𝟸 𝚒𝚗𝚝𝚎𝚛𝚛𝚘𝚐𝚊𝚝𝚒𝚘𝚗]

the first t2 interrogation is here! hopefully, it will help you understand their murders and backstories and what kind of people akio and aimi are better because.. this interrogation reveals a lot :)

as always, a reminder that you can send questions for interrogations and some of these questions were also sent by some of you, so thank you so much!

Q.001. What can you tell us about your parents?

Akio: They're very caring and patient with me. They deserve only the best for everything they have done for me.

Aimi: They're very nice, I love them a lot! They can be just a little bit.. What's the right word.. Basically, sometimes it felt like they didn't care about my feelings that much. But it was most likely just them being unintentionally insensitive.. I think.

Q.002. Did you hate your victim?

Akio: How many times I have to repeat it for you? I hated him. I hated him so much.

Aimi: Are we talking about the person that was killed only by me without any help? If so.. I think I started to hate him only a moment before I had murdered him. Saying that I hate him feels so weird, but I think it's time for me to finally be honest with myself.

Q.003. What is your biggest fear?

Akio: Not being good enough.

Aimi: Being left all alone.

Q.004. Would you commit the same crime again?

Akio: .. I don't know.

Aimi: I just couldn't let that person live. So yes, I think I'd still kill him even if I wasn't bullied.

Q.005. Tell us about your accomplice.

Akio: He was weird. But surprisingly charismatic. I think I got to know his true self only when I saw his reaction to seeing Chise's corpse.

Aimi: He was very kind and very caring, I loved spending time with him, he always tried to make every single day of my life as fun as possible! He was.. very overprotective though. That freak wouldn't let me live a normal life.

Q.006. Have you ever had a significant other?

Akio: Fine, if I say yes, will you finally leave me alone?

Aimi: Nope! I was always more interested in making friends, but I'd love to go on a date with someone.

Q.007. Is there anyone you hold in high esteem?

Akio: .. It used to be myself.

Aimi: I don't think so? Ah, I respect Akio-kun a lot, does that count?

Q.008. When do you wake up/go to bed?

Akio: Before Milgram, I woke up at 7 am and went to sleep at 1 or 2 am because of how much schoolwork I had. Now I can't fall asleep at all, so all of that doesn't matter anymore.

Aimi: I try to wake up as early as I can now, so that I can take care of Akio-kun. He barely gets any sleep now.. You will forgive him, right? And I usually go to bed at 10 or 11 pm.

Q.009. How do you feel about your classmates?

Akio: They were always anxious and stressed and under a lot of pressure because we all went to an elite school, so almost all my classmates were obsessed with their grades and being the best students in class. Arata and Chise were the only exceptions and maybe that's why my relationship with them was different from what I had with others.

Aimi: .. When I remember everything they said about me, I start feeling not so good, haha..

Q.010. What kind of person would you want your best friend to be?

Akio: Someone who can make me feel like a god even when I'm not doing well.

Aimi: Someone who never makes fun of me and never tries to take advantage of my weakness.

Q.011. Any complaints about being imprisoned?

Akio: .. Are you kidding me?

Aimi: I think you should do something about Maruyama-san. I don't feel safe with someone like her around.

Q.012. What do you hate the most?

Akio: Being underestimated.

Aimi: People who don't appreciate my kindness. I'm trying so hard to help you, so why do you keep pushing me away?

Q.013. Do you miss your family?

Akio: .. Yes.

Aimi: To be honest, I miss my dogs more, haha.. That's a bad thing to say, right? Like, I told you that I love all of them the last time we did this.

Q.014. What do you want from the guards?

Akio: Don't take Aimi away from me.

Aimi: Please take care of Akio-kun.

Q.015. How did you feel after you have committed your crime?

Akio: I ran away. I couldn't look my accomplice in the eyes after we were done.

Aimi: I felt like I've finally become free, even though I had to pay a high price for my freedom.

[artekai]

For the OC ask game, 2, 4, 5, 9 and 29 for both Fross and Kai! And for you, E, F, and H >:)

THANK YOU SM FRIEND!!! :DDD

2. How easy is it for your character to laugh?

Kai - Relatively easy! But not too much I think. It's just that he's already so upbeat and smiling all the time so laughing is like one step over that. You get what I mean?

Fross - Politely? Fairly easy if he respects you just a little and doesn't want to upset you. Genuinely? Not as much. He has to like you a lot for that, but then when that happens he totally becomes a giggly schoolboy with a crush lol.

4. How easy is it to earn their trust?

Kai - Hmmm easy? Kind of. I'm not sure. Because he tends to be optimistic and try to see the good in everyone around him, if it came down to it, he would probably consider you trustworthy until proven untrustworthy. But he's not careless either, he might be an oversharer but he's not gonna trust a stranger with sensitive information unless life itself depended on it or something. So he'd give you a chance but not rush too much into it.

Fross - Extremely hard lmao. I'm convinced it took Stanley at least 80 years to earn his trust and he was even helped by the fact that Fross enjoyed spending time in VR Las Vegas and got extremely lonely because he hated all of the other Zeniths. I guess he "trusted" Ted Faro once, but that was because he was parasocializing hard and the version of Faro he had in his head was deeply romanticized.

5. How easy is it to earn their mistrust?

Kai - Relatively easy if you know where to strike.

Fross - Very easy! I'd argue that mistrust is his default state. See above. Even when he gets really close to someone, he keeps expecting them to have ulterior motives or disappoint him in some other way (e.g. Kai).

9. Do they swear? Do they remember their first swear word?

Kai - Yes on both accounts! I'm not sure what his first swear word would be though? I'm thinking it was one he heard from his Focus and then kept repeating over and over for three weeks, much to his werak's chagrin lol. But I'd have to figure out what kind of holos Takuto would have saved in his Focus... It's not too far-fetched to think he might have learned his first swear word from Akechi himself which is a really funny idea to me.

Fross - Very rarely, I think. I don't think he would say them casually, but only if he really was pissed and trying to insult someone, if that makes sense? So that's very risky considering the circumstances which means he has to either just mutter it so they can't hear it or say them alone lol. Maybe he goes into his VR world and just yells swears for a while, that sounds healing. He definitely doesn't remember his first swear word but if I had to guess it was probably damn.

29.  Do they usually live up to their own ideals? 

Kai - He tries to, at least! He sticks to them most of the time but sometimes he slips in moments of extreme emotional distress. It's only natural.

Fross - No lol. His moral compass is a roulette wheel anyways so I'm not sure it's possible, haha. And he's also a massive hypocrite, there's that.

E) Are they someone you would get along with? Would they get along with you?

Unfortunately they would both really hate my guts :( As for whether I would like them, I don't know about Fross but at least I do wish Kai were real 💔

F) What do you feel when you think of your OC (pride, excitement, frustration, etc)?

Depends on my mood lol. A lot of the times it's pride or excitement, occasionally it's self-recognition through the other (derogatory) which leads to actual anger and hurt and even hate lol. Sometimes it's [redacted] and sometimes it's love and care and appreciation and warmth and comfort, and sometimes it's even pity lol. When I say they're everything to me, I really mean it, haha. They make me feel the full spectrum of human emotion, even jealousy lmao. But maybe this question wasn't looking for a literal answer but more like an average :?

H) What trait do you admire most?

For Kai, it'd probably be easier to list what I don't admire about him, lol. But I guess it's just what I admire most 🤔 Soooo, probably his determination, his optimism, his can-do attitude. I like how well he plays the role of a hero. He really has the vibes of a leader who's the glue that keeps the team together. And I love that. He really inspires me in so many ways.

I guess this is gonna sound weird, but I really admire Fross's will to live. I always have. At this point I'm convinced that the only reason he survives so much shit he shouldn't be able to survive is because he really wants to (or maybe because evil never dies lol).

But, more importantly, even when everyone hates him, even when he's at his most despairing, even when it seems like he has nothing left to live for, he has this conviction that he deserves to live a good life, no matter how long it takes to find it. He knows it's unfair that the apocalypse happened during his time. And he's so sure that he deserves just as much as anybody else...

Obviously this is a problem for him because he's so ready and willing to step on whoever he needs to make his ideal life happen that it gets in his own way. He's willing to put his own right to live over an entire planet's right to live. But it's so impressive to me because it's like he's constantly drawing from a bottomless well, clinging to life, to his right to exist, even when everyone around him desperately wants him to keel over and die. I have to wonder where he got it from.

Beyond the sentimental stuff, though, this places him in direct opposition to the self-sacrificial characters around him (Aloy, Kai, Lis), which I think is cool.

[queer-polyam-emperor-penguin]

So I was looking at some old KimchiCuddles comics on Pinterest and thinking about how my polcule and polyamory views have changed since I started really exploring polyam as an adult (because teenage me had less communication skills than a mouse and regularly fell into pitfalls bc of it).

And fudge have we changed a lot.

Our views, wants, needs, desires, commitments, values.... actually lowkey haven't changed a lot at all.

But my actual communication and polyam styles have changed majorly.

I still want a house with my primary polycule and a family.

We literally have plans for future baby.

But I have different expectations around sex and dating, primaries aren't really as thing in the sense of 'you're my first priority for the future' thing but rather an 'If/when we have kids involved, we will share X,Y,Z priorities and commitments with each other, meaning our communication and expectations in our relationship has to be shared and based in reality not fantasy or hopes'

And my expectations of a relationship are different now; because I understand long distance, I understand domestic bliss, I understand how quickly a toxic or abusive situation escalate.

I prioritise my partners words and world views over availability on weekends, I value how they handle conflict more, I appreciate competency around domestic tasks and commitment to learning new skills, I respect a wider range of job-sets based off skill values rather than potential monetary rewards and I have a lower tolerance for debt and spending habits that create conflict; particularly debt with no repayment plans or someone who sees debt as a non-concern.

I value things like; financial literacy, independence, non traditional education, knowledge on niche subjects, an understanding how emotional growth and emotional maturity and development of self are all in important aspects of a healthy relationship and life together.

I value shared understanding of commitment, trust, appreciation and affection. I appreciate authenticity and autonomy and honesty. I expect respect, compassion, communication, community.

I value and expect safe sexual relationships with and without me. I respect those who are constantly learning to update their experiences and expectations around sex, sexuality, culture and consent.

Like young adult me wanted a lot of things... with no concept of wtf went into those things from the other side.

I could absolutely tell you what I'd done to make myself feel and look like a valuable partner in the ~dream lives~ I'd written for myself.

But I wouldn't have been able to tell you about those things in the people I was dating as to ~why~ I thought they were a good fit.

Because 'I love them and they'll grow up eventually' is not exactly a plan or a thought through decision in dating.

And yes, unfortunately that was a real answer I gave multiple times. I was not good at describing why I liked someone or why I thought they were a potential good fit with my life because I wasn't actually dating people because I thought they would be, more because they were cute and asked me out or I thought they were cute and they said yes when I did.

Which leads me to now; where before dating Moose, I sat down and went through everything that I wanted and expected and decided that I was going to have in my future or just be alone and I was going to date with the intention of my happiness merging with someone else's happiness.

And for once, I can tell you why I dated someone.

Because I trust him, because he is incredibly honest and dedicated to growth and growing as a person and being part of my community in a way that I asked.

Because he chose to enter into this based on mutual attraction and interest; but also mutual respect and goals and a promise to communicate and work together towards what we wanted.

There wasn't an expectation that he jump in and start a family with me or live with me or anything.

In fact for a good while, we were still having a discussion about how things would work based on the timeline my QPP and I had planned for having a house and baby.

He integrated into more with time and trust and thought and effort; he chose this, it was never expected of him and that kinda makes it mean more to me.

But it also reassured for me exactly that this was what I wanted and how I expected and wanted my polycule to run.

With blunt honesty and expectations and boundaries set for the get-go and then moving forward with trust and respect and confidence in each other growing; more commitments being discussed based on the levels each other want and no-one taking commitments they're not sure of and not expecting to be automatically placed in a position of high responsibility and commitment from the get go.

I think when we talk about hierarchy, sometimes we mean 'I don't want to feel unimportant or unwanted' and people take that to the extreme of 'It's been 6months; I want the same level of commitment as your 6yr long QPP who's had 2-3yrs of planning with you and communicating and negotiating and setting things up' (Has actually happened to me a few times) and that's not how relationships work.

I can provide you time, I can provide you energy, I can provide you with affection. But I cannot give myself out in perfectly equal slices because I would absolutely burn out... but not everything has that level of commitment that requires responsibility.

I would never expect to be an automatic responsibility in a relationship with a single parent, especially if they had a co-parenting relationship that required maintenance and respect and balancing multiple family responsibilities and functions for their children. I would not expect to be any level of commitment until explicitly stated and discussed and I wouldn't expect to be a part of commitment with responsibility until discussed even further. And with a parent who has a lot of responsibilities; I would expect it to possibly take years.

I don't understand why in some past relationships; people expected automatic access to me and my entire life based on an interest in building connections. If you haven't built up to me to that point, you just haven't yet. And I would be happy to discuss why, but being yelled at for not instantaneously providing commitment frustrates me.

Because I see how my relationships failed (and I say failed not because they didn't last long term; but because we failed to communicate or because I ignored the red flags and then had to leave abuse… which are the two main reasons for breakups in my past) and have grown since and seen where other relationships succeeded (again; not how long they lasted but wether or not we still communicate literally because of how we handled things and wether or not it's mutual, etc) I can look back and acknowledge a fuckton of growth and grief and where polyamory stereotypes and community expectations failed me.

And I think choosing your own life and your own path and deciding to follow your dreams and happiness with honesty and openness is incredibly important but also very difficult and challenging. It's something that takes a lot of courage and dedication and determination just to get through.

But for me; it's invaluable and it's wonderful and worth it.

I fucked up a ~lot~ at the beginning.

But I don't now.

I learnt how to communicate openly and compassionately.

And I am proud of that.

I'm proud of what it took and I think it's important to acknowledge and see the changes we make along the way and how fucking hard it was to get there.

But we did and it was worth it.

[walkingstackofbooks]

DS9 4x22 To The Death thoughts (I’m re-watching, so beware spoilers for future episodes!) [20 Aug ‘23]

I really like the frequency of references to off-screen Breen - it helps make them feel like a real part of the universe even without having been seen much.

"Every night I'd tuck in my son Ahjess, and two hours later he'd crawl into bed with me." Love me a random Dax fact

"What makes you such an expert on children?" "First in my class in pediatric medicine." You dolt, Julian XD Honestly, I'm surprised this has never come up before though!

"Just because Worf lives on the Defiant full time doesn't give him proprietary rights in the mess hall." Worf v Julian let's gooo

Aw, Julian moved, I wanted to see what Worf would do XD

Quark being all worried about Rom! Bless ♥

I adore the way Julian gets straight to work in an emergency -- and his "that includes you" to Kira <3

"Omet'iklan, control your men. These people saved our lives." Is this the first time we've met Weyoun? (It is.) It's so characteristic of him to care most about his own life.

"Your psychographic profile is required reading" - love that for Sisko, honestly. He's so good at thwarting them that he's A Known Threat

"What would you say if I offered to make you absolute ruler of the Federation?" Weyoun, surely if you read his psychographic profile, you'd know power doesn't interest him?

Ah, there we go! "I'd say your psychographic profile of me isn't as good as you think." Classic Sisko deadpan, we stan 😂

Weyoun Vs Sisko is fantastic

"There's a lot of things about this mission that bother me, but lying to the Jem'Hadar is not on top of my list." You say it, Miles!

I always kind of liked the Jem'Hadar, they're only messed up because they've been made to be, and they stick so unwaveringly to what they think is good.

"I'm holding you personally responsible for the actions of your men." "That's as it should be." Ace, loving this!

"As far as I'm concerned, on this mission, I'm the First." Oh, I ADORE Sisko. (And I'm so glad the writers didn't go down the route of calling them Alpha etc. I can see that having easily happened...) [they do later, don't they XD]

Worf is STILL so bad at ignoring people questioning his will to fight/his Klingon honour???? You don't need to prove a thing, but you really need to get a handle on this weakness, dude!

Somehow I genuinely didn't realise this was a practice until the lights went on! Great stuff

"You fool. My men and I, we know all about the gateway." Again, honestly great respect for the Jem'Hadar. Maybe because the Vorta are so awful 😅

Weyoun's sulky huff!

"I would have guessed at least fifteen." Aw, he looks so pleased at being thought of as that old!

"How old are you?" Hehe. I can only imagine his awe when she tells him...

"I stopped counting at 300." "You don't look it." Amazing.

"What is the point of doing battle if you cannot enjoy the fruits of victory?" "You mean sleep?" "No, I mean spending looking nights singing songs of your deeds." I do like his point

"And good women." Jadzia's definitely flirting. And also *knows* how good the women are with that knowing look.

Omet'iklan must hate the way Weyoun acts so dismissive and bored of the ketracel white ritual.

Okay I can appreciate Worf acting in response to Miles being touched... but also he needs to back the fuck up.

"So if I order you to leave me alone you will?" Odo is already So Done with Weyoun. And I am Here For It.

"Are you ready to go home?" "No, but I am ready to end this conversation." Odo yes XD

Odo being so uncomfortable about the Vorta/Jem'Hadar view of him will always be a thing I enjoy watching. Sorry, Odo.

Miles recording so many messages for Keiko and Molly - I don't think we get to see him like this so often and it's lovely. Not quite sure of the words in looking for, willingly vulnerable, maybe?

"You record these too?" "Doesn't everyone." My heart my heart my heart! I so want to know who everyone writes theirs to.

"I didn't know that was public knowledge." "You told Commander Dax." Honestly, Sisko, surely you know by now telling Dax something means telling everyone XD

"I already want you to know if somehow he does carry out his threat, he will not live to boast about it." "That's... very reassuring, Mr Worf." Sisko very much doing a 'what the hell do I say to that?!'face XD

"I am Chef Miles Edward O'Brien. I'm very much alive and I intend it to stay that way." I love him. That was a great mimic.

"Don't worry, you'll make honoured elder yet." JADZIA! Oh I really love this little moment!

The gate graphics are so TOS portal in City On The Edge Of Forever / All Our Yesterdays and I love it

"If you have to ask, you'll never understand." I like the Sisko-ness of it, but I also don't like writing off the Jem'Hadar as incapable of growth and learning.

*Shoots Weyoun* oh, fantastic!

"I think there's been enough killing for one day." Yes, I DO LIKE the Jem'Hadar

Love it when our guys win the Jem'Hadar's respect, despite still being viewed as enemies.

[annetalam]

Still scared... af.

September 11, Monday, around 4:00pm

Current emotion: apathetic.

Don't get me wrong, I am definitely happy with the person I am with now. The kind of relationship we have is calm and peaceful. He's a great person and he's very considerate of how I feel. I really appreciate how this man makes me feel so secured and safe, like I can totally depend on him on every aspect. He's a great support system and he inspires me to do better in life. He is funny, adventurous, a real gentleman, a giver, and very consistent with his efforts. What I love about him the most? It's how responsible he is. This raises my respect for him to a whole new level. He's got a lot of responsibilities on his shoulders but how he carry them just amazes me. Every time I would look at him, I admire and respect him as a person and as a man - my man at that. I also love how he encourages me to speak up and say what's on my mind. As a person who is more comfortable with expressing her emotions and thoughts on a piece of paper or making this ridiculously hidden blog site, he makes me feel like I can be strong, that I can do it, just say what I feel so I can communicate them, just speak up and be brave. Yes, he makes me feel brave which I thought I was until he came. He shows me that healthy relationships do exist. Yeah okay, it might be a little too early to say, but what I feel now is that - we have a very healthy relationship because HE truly takes care of me.

I still can't believe how blessed I am having him in my life.

And yes, we do not know each other that much YET, but I hope we'd be okay. I pray that he'd be THAT person I am going to spend the rest of my life with.

Why say so? Because I feel like I won't live that long.

--out of topic, why am I crying my heart out right at this moment?--

Going back, I don't really wish getting married anymore. But I pray that I can have another child so Marron won't be alone. I pray that they'd be close with each other, help each other, be each other's kakampi in everything like what I see with Yuyu and Kuya Rigel, because it's never been the case for me and Bibi. That's a whole different story. I never felt like I have someone who is my kakampi no matter what happens.

That's why I made this blog now. Right now, I feel so scared of losing Yuyu. No relationship is perfect, but I am so scared that he might be just another person who would give up on me. I am so scared that I love him so much now that I won't make it through when he decides to leave me. I barely made it the last time, I'd only hope I'd make it when it happens.

Isn't that what life is? Everyone just leaves, walks out.

[servin-up-surveys]

survey #184

Are either of your parents engaged but not married yet? No; my mom hasn't really dated anyone since my parents split, but my dad remarried; it was apparently his current wife's idea though because she's very religious and didn't want to live together but not be married.

Do you cuddle with your pet (if you have one)? Yes.

What college did you want to attend as a kid? NC State.

Do you have a pet gecko? No, but I do WANT a fat-tailed gecko one day.

Are you scared of reptiles? Not at all, I love reptiles.

Honestly, have you ever eaten raw cookie dough? lol of course, who hasn't at some point.

Where would you most like to go in your state, etc that you haven’t been? Blue Ridge Mountains. I've ridden through the Appalachians when going to Tennessee to visit my brother as a kid, but we didn't actually stop to spend time there. I have very faint memories of it being fucking stunning, though.

Who was the last member of the opposite sex you laid in a bed with? Girt.

About what things are you most selfish? Alone time. I know I become really unpleasant if I seriously need but can't get it in that moment.

Are you camera shy? Why/why not? Yes, because I think I basically always look ugly.

What is one small thing your significant other does that makes you happy? If you are single, what is one small thing a friend does to make you happy? He's really good at catching how my anxiety might interpret something he says or does, and when he does, he'll immediately clarify so my brain doesn't wander to bad places. He does this even on occasions where I didn't over-evaluate, and I appreciate it A LOT.

From inside of your house, how many doors lead outside? Two.

Who was the last person to give you flowers? Girt.

What do you think would be the hardest thing for you to give up? Internet, easy.

Do you like BBQ sauce? No, I actually hate it.

Did the last person you kissed ever give you a hickey? It's not something he generally does and I don't think he means to either, but yes.

How many subscribers do you have on your YouTube channel? 74, apparently. I haven't uploaded anything in years.

If you could have a car in any color you wanted, which color? Pink, hypothetically. I know that's generally a custom thing though, and I would not pay extra just for the color to be pink. Out of "normal" colors, I'd definitely pick burnt orange.

What is your favorite Avril Lavigne song? "Nobody's Home" has slapped since 2004 and it's never gonna stop.

What was the last thing you were mad at a doctor about? My fucking wonderful psychiatrist was going to have me stop a medication cold-turkey (one I'd been on for a long time, btw); it was my mother, NOT the professional, who was like "wait shouldn't we wean her off of this?", and this fucking idiot was like "oh yeah let's do that." The place I'm currently going to for psychiatry is fucking insufferable and has a horrific reputation on a large scale, like there is ZEEEEEEERO excuse for A PSYCHIATRIST to plan on abruptly stopping a psych med, never mind one that's deeply settled in my system. That shit can be catastrophic, this is common fucking knowledge for people who are medicated for mental illnesses.

Is your mother a lesbian? No, she's straight.

Do any of your close friends NOT have a Facebook account? Yeah.

Would you ever consider getting dreadlocks? No, definitely not for me.

When was the last time you swam in a pool? Like a week and a half ago; my mom and I went to our friends' Summer and Lolita's house to hang out, it was a great time. I got burned a bit though.

What was the last thing you said out loud? I thanked Mom for dinner.

Have you ever wanted to be a nurse? No.

Who or what do you worship? Nothing. Nature would be the closest, but "worship" isn't the right word for my relationship with it. I don't see actual divinity in it, I just immensely respect it.

What was the last song you listened to on repeat? uhhhh actually good question

What song do you want played at your wedding? Do you mean like, the first dance song? Because I definitely want many songs to be played throughout the whole event, I'm totally making a playlist lmao. I'm not certain, but a part of me wants "If It's Love" by Train, it's one of my favorite love songs ever and is so fun and celebratory. I'd want my spouse to have a say too, though; the wedding isn't just mine.

What are three of the most painful things you have ever stepped on? I don't know, really.

If applicable, what song are you listening to right now? None, I'm watching a Super Best Friends Play video.

If you could choose three US states to visit, which three states would you pick? Alaska, Arizona, and Wyoming.

Have you ever donated blood? Twice now, and I absolutely wanna do it more often following this last time; it was very fulfilling, and getting an email so quickly after about where specifically my donation was used (West Virginia) was truly profound, like I know I did something that mattered immensely to somebody.

Would you rather attend a yoga class or a Zumba class? Yoga; I used to do it daily and I truly loved it. I got in the best shape of my life with it.

Have you written anything down today? Yeah I keep track of when I have a soda in my calendar/planner with an "x" on the day I have one, and I did today.

Do you own a pair of pink pants? I have a pair of pink with white polka dots pajama pants, but not a kind I'd wear in public.

Do you normally eat healthy? Saying "healthy" feels like a lie, but I definitely don't make a habit of eating very unhealthy either, and I've gotten better with it over time; I'm more conscious of what I'm putting in. I do have bad streaks too though, especially with being an emotional eater dealing with depression and such. My mental health is truly what kills my ability to properly diet, because when I'm sad or dealing with anhedonia, I want to eat something.

What is the best compliment you’ve ever received? It hits me really deep when Girt has told me I make him a better person. I make plenty of mistakes, and sometimes I can't see past them myself, so it means so fucking much to me to hear I even inspire goodness in others.

Do you believe in miracles? No; a "miracle" is just science we don't understand yet. Things don't happen for no reason, that's not how the world works.

What are three ways in which you are not normal? I'm mentally ill, neurodivergent, and uhhh... idk, my weight? It qualifies as obese and that's not the textbook figure of a human, I guess. I feel weird answering with that though because I don't want to make it sound as if being obese makes someone not "normal."

Which genre of music do you listen to the most? I think industrial metal.

Last person you kissed, are they into any type of sports? Which ones? No.

Does your best friend have a job? He does; he's been there like ten years though and he's very done with his current position, so he's anxiously waiting to hear back about a different position in the company. Poor thing's been worrying himself to death about it.

Do you ever visit people at work? Not really; on one occasion Mom and I did bring Girt lunch, and I definitely WANT to keep doing that for pretty much ever, but it's not a regular occurence obviously. Non-employees can't even go in the building, he had to take a looong walk to the parking lot, lol.

When you move out your house (or if you already have moved out) do you plan on still visiting your parents' house? Absolutely. I thoroughly intend to invite my mom over for dinner once a week, but I'd also be totally fine with visiting her for it sometimes, too. It tears my mom the fuck apart how Ashley and Nicole make her feel so uninvolved, unseen, and unloved, and I fucking will not do the same.

Do you usually take home leftovers if you eat out in a restaurant? I generally will if there's a good amount left, otherwise I don't see the point in scraps, really.

Have you ever ghost rode the whip (put your car on auto and dance next to it as it’s moving)? Do you want to? I remember when this first started and I think it's probably the fucking dumbest Internet trend I have EVER seen.

Why did you stop liking the last person you liked? If you're excluding Girt since he's the current person I like, then it's because she was honestly a terrible "friend" to me that made me feel like the biggest annoyance/inconvenience to engage with. Then, y'know, the Nazi thing. Supposedly she left that ideology behind but frankly I don't believe her for half a second, it's not like she hasn't made a long-going habit of lying online.

What do you think of long-term relationships? That's always my goal, getting into a relationship. I don't do flings and stuff like that; if I'm in a relationship with you, you can be confident that I want this with you, if things go right.

Do you have a lot of social media accounts? Do you update them all regularly? I guess I do? It kinda depends on what you classify as truly social media, too. I try to keep things pretty up-to-date.

When you’re in trouble, do your parents ever “middle name” you? lol Mom has.

When was the last time you got a new tattoo or piercing? Do you have any plans to get either in the future? I got my most recent tattoo finished in... May, I think? It's been a very long time since I got a piercing, but I want more of both of those. I think my next tat will be one that covers my "ohana" one on my collarbone; I'm thinking a snake coming from behind my back and over that upper right part of my chest. I'm just so not a person who's meant to have this tattoo; I'll leave anyone behind if they turn to shit, I don't care what we once had, and besides, I got it as a thing with someone I can't stand anymore anyway. Do yourself a favor and NEVER get a tattoo whose worth is tied to another person, I've done a bad job at that.

Are you patriotic at all? Why/why not? No, because the USA is a country that is shit and smells like shit but the shit itself doesn't realize it's shit.

Are you any good at packing a suitcase? NOOOOOO, packing actually REALLY stresses me out because I'm convinced I won't put everything in "right."

Have you ever had a white hot chocolate? What did you think? I never have, no. I don't prefer white chocolate, it's too sweet to me.

Do you ever get eczema? Yeah, on my hands and arms, generally.

Have you ever mowed a lawn? No, this honestly sounds like hell.

Is there anyone you would do literally anything for? No, and I think this is a very unhealthy mentality to have. I wouldn't murder someone just 'cuz my mom asked me to.

Have you ever done a “knock-and-run” prank? I'm guessing you're referencing ding dong ditch, in which case, no. It's stupid.

Have you ever stabbed a friend in the back, intentionally or not? I mean, I guess not keeping an old friend's Nazism a secret when she was very serious about me doing so is technically stabbing her in the back. It's not something I regret doing though, because I don't protect the feelings of Nazis.

What’s the longest you’ve ever slept in one go? I'm not sure. It was either an occasion when I spent the night with Jason but didn't fall asleep until like 6 AM and woke up like 12 hours later (I remember this because I had an extreme panic attack over my daily rhythm being completely thrown off, like I woke up at sunset), or maybe a time when I had my concussion, or maybe a migraine incident. Maybe the time I finally passed out asleep after a three-day manic streak, but I can't quite remember when I intially woke up, around dawn-ish.

Have you ever dated someone with an accent different than yours? No.

Have you ever worked two jobs at once? No, I've never been able to maintain even one job...

Who does most of the housework around your house? My mom, admittedly. I've definitely gotten better about it though as my legs have improved.

Do you enjoy the smell and taste of cinnamon? Absolutely.

[anne-hathway]

That´s my new tittle, then and i'm proud of it, i have this need to prepare a speech and everything to thank for this new place in your life and heart. I know i've been part of your life through my films (by the way, you still need to tell me your favorite one) but now, gorgeous Eiza, you got me in your team because literally, you're one of the sweetest and kindest women i've met in the industry, sometimes it's not easy for me to socialize and get good friends, i can count them with one hand if i am completely honest, phew! what a relief you're not running away from me, at least not yet, hopefully you won't escape from my life after our first face- to face encounter. baby driver is so good!! and the couple you made with Jon Hamm is iconic!! I must confess i don't know who i was more jealous of for all these kisses, I'm not sure if i wanted to be jon or you but that's a different story. you're a queen! i'm sure you're reaching that level very soon, you're working hard and you are gaining the respect of a lot of people in the industry, it's the work what really matters and what takes you there, to be able to say no, i don't want this shit or i don't want that asshole as a costar. i could talk about meryl for hours and hours! someday, someday we will be close to that level because i know no one will ever compare to be like her, but we can at least dream to be close. the first plan sounded already perfect but the idea of going to your place and try some mexican food made for you sounds even more tempting and if i'm going to open and you are going to discover some of my layers and vice versa then i'd very much prefer the intimacy and privacy of your home and believe me that i appreciate that you invite me because i know open the doors of your most sacred place is not easy. so... your place, this sunday? it's a date! -spending christmas with your closest family sounds comforting and peaceful, maybe that's what you need after a crazy year, and after that calm celebration with them, maybe you're going to have energy and social batter for a bigger celebration for new year's eve. and yes! it's the first christmas that the kids spend only with me and not with their dad but this time of the year is special, my new place in connecticut makes it magical somehow. i'm excited and yes, my brother loves aspen and he planned this trip, probably because he thinks i will be depressed or something but i am not, i'm good, being divorced is not as bad as i thought.

You're officially one of my favorite humans. Like, how am I supposed to act normal around you this weekend after you’ve hyped me up to legendary status? And Baby Driver and I Care a Lot making it into your top 3? Both projects are deeply special to me, so thank you. Let me just go ahead and pin that achievement to my wall of life wins. Hearing you say you’ve reached a point where you can pick your projects and collaborators is so inspiring. That’s the dream! And let’s be real, you’re well on your way to Meryl Streep-level iconic, but with your own flair. And the idea of anyone not appreciating the “unserious” roles you’ve done? Their loss, because I love seeing your range—it’s what makes you so magnetic on screen. Now, grounded and genuine, absolutely. You’ve got this presence that’s so warm and effortless. Complicated? Please. Who isn’t? That’s just another layer of your brilliance. I’m 100% ready to peel back those layers during our girls' day. And brunch this Sunday? Yes, please! How about Ardor in West Hollywood? Chic vibes, fabulous food, and perfect for a long chat—though knowing us, this might turn into an all-day event. Or, if you’re feeling adventurous, we could switch things up, and you can come to my place. I love cooking, and we could pair some homemade Mexican dishes with a side of cocktails and endless confessions. Your call. As for the holidays, I’m leaning towards something different this year. I think it’d be fun to have my mom and brother fly over to L.A. for a cozy, small celebration. My mom’s my best friend, and my brother’s the coolest, but our extended family back in Mexico always brings the chaos, which I kind of miss too. Decisions, decisions. It's complicated to shift plans around after major life adjustments, I really get that. But the important part is that you will be with your kids. Connecticut sounds magical for Christmas, especially with your kids and family—it’s giving cozy holiday movie vibes. And Aspen for New Year’s? Chef’s kiss.

[mysecretlittlelibrary]

To Love Who Wears The Crown Pt. 3

Pairing: Modern Royals: King!Bucky x Reader

Word Count: 2.1k

Warnings: none

Genre: Fluff

Summary: You meet the king of Andia by chance when he hosts a ball and he's immediately taken with you, enough to invite you to spend your summer at the palace with him while he formally courts you. Although he's everything you could dream of from the moment you arrive, nothing is ever straightforward in the world of powerful people. Who would have thought that when you tripped over his feet at a dance you'd eventually have to find out what it means to love a king.

***

During your first weeks at the palace, you mostly stumble through getting used to staying there. You usually have to ask a guard to take you anywhere because your attempts to get around on your own end up with you getting lost. Although at this point, you can get from your room to the dining room and back on your own. You always eat dinner with James, and sometimes you eat breakfast together when his schedule allows it.

"Y/n?" Izzy grabs your attention from across the room.

"Yes?" You snap your head towards her from where you're sitting by the window with your sketchbook.

"King James is here, he's asked if you're available to talk to him." She tells you.

"Oh- I didn't even realize someone was at the door. Thank you Izzy." You stand and toss the sketchpad onto your bed. You pull open your large doors to find the king with his back to you but he turns abruptly when you step out.

"Hi." He says.

"Hi, James. What's up?" You ask.

"Well, my counsel meeting ended early so I thought we'd go for a walk or something before dinner." He explains.

"I'd love to." You smile at him. You loop your arm through his and allow him to lead you down the halls.

"How has your time here been so far? I know I'm busy but-"

"Please, you spend way more time with me than I'd expect from a king. Even one courting me." You shake your head. "It's been- interesting. The palace is lovely, but I get lost a lot. I feel like I need a map."

"I'm sure Nat could make that happen. Or at least show you around properly if that would be more helpful."

"Wait you have maps? Or like- floor plans maybe? I don't know how helpful a tour with Nat would be but I could totally find my way around if I had a map or something to follow." You tell him.

"I know we used to keep a floor plan in the library, I'll talk to Nat about getting you access to something to help you get around."

"Thank you James, I'd appreciate that."

"Bucky." He says.

"What?" You frown.

"People closest to me call me Bucky, it's short for Buchanan. That's my middle name." He explains, at this point, you've ended up outside by one of the fountains on the grounds.

"People closest to you, like Natasha?" You ask as you sit on the warm stone of the fountain. The king follows your lead and sits on the edge of the fountain beside you.

"Sometimes- but usually she only does it to remind everyone she respects me but she does not fear me." He chuckles.

"Well isn't that a good thing?" You ask.

"Isn't what a good thing?"

"That Natasha respects you but sees no reason to fear you."

"How do you mean?"

"Well- people will rally unwaveringly behind a king they respect. But people rallying behind a king that they fear, that really just seems a breeding ground for disloyalty." You say.

"I don't disagree with you, but I am curious how you came to that conclusion."

"If people respect their leader, then their loyalty is an active choice they're making because they think the leader deserves it, while if they're rallying behind a leader they fear, well, their loyalty only goes as far as their desire to survive. If an enemy promises their survival and they can have their freedom- a king that is feared would be totally screwed." You shrug. James looks at you for a moment with a small smile.

"I knew you were intelligent but I am honestly a little impressed."

"By the fact that I understand that fear and respect yield different results?" You chuckle.

"You'd be surprised by the types that come through the palace honestly, these perspectives are less common than you'd think." He muses. "Plus, considering you don't have a diplomatic background it's interesting you think that way- you sound a bit like my advisors."

"Oh- I didn't think it was anything notable. Doesn't everyone have thoughts on what would make for a good leader?" You shrug.

"From my experience no, well not thoughts that are like, fully developed." He tells you, his thumb absentmindedly stroking the back of your hand.

"Oh." You hum a bit distracted by the feeling of his thumb against your skin. "Oh wait, before I forget, would you prefer it if I called you Bucky?"

"Truthfully I don't mind when you call me James but it just feels a little formal since my friends often don't call me James so, I just wanted to give you that other option." He explains.

"I like Bucky, I think it's cute." You smile.

"Use it at your discretion then." He shrugs. You nod in acknowledgment.

"Oh- how did your meeting go? I take it things went well since it ended earlier than you expected?" 

"It wasn't anything complex, we hired a new advisor recently." Bucky shrugs

"Really?"

"Yeah, she's Nat's sister apparently. Her name is Yelena."

"Oh so was it like an induction meeting of sorts?"

"Among other things yeah, there's also a girl she's vouched for, Kate. I don't know what to do with her though." He hums.

"What do you mean?" You frown.

"Her skillset is mostly in combat and she's impressive but she's just a kid and I wanna put her where she'll do well but also not in unnecessary danger." Bucky says.

"I see. I mean you could start by having her train with palace guards, see how it goes for her. She's new, you'll learn what works best for her with time."

 "Yeah I guess you're right, I'll figure something out, but do you really wanna talk about my work stuff right now?" Bucky scoffs.

"I mean I don't mind what we talk about really. I'm happy with anything, but if you'd rather not discuss work we can change the subject. I just want you to know you can talk to me about things, and nothing you want to talk about will ever be 'too boring' for me." You say, looking down as you trace lines against the palm of his hand.

"I appreciate it. I'm tired of work stuff for now though. So if you don't mind, I'd rather we talk about something else."

"Of course. What would you like to talk about?" You hum.

"Tell me, what have you been up to today?" He asks.

"Mostly working on some sketches."

"You draw?" Bucky lights up at that, turning towards you as much as he can on the side of the fountain.

"Sometimes, yeah." You nod.

"That's so cool. Will you show me them sometime?"

"Sure." You say. "Oh, I have a question."

"What is it?" He tilts his head and you resist the urge to giggle at the way it makes him look like a puppy.

"Would it be possible for me to have a guest here?" You ask him.

"A guest?"

"Yeah, my friend Monica. We usually spend a lot of time together so I was just wondering if I could invite her to the palace someday to hang out. I'd like to still see her while I'm staying here." You explain with a shrug.

"Oh, of course you can. By all means invite her."

"Really? I can? There's not some extensive protocol to inviting her over?" You ask and he chuckles.

"No sweetheart, there's no extensive protocol. Although, Nat will probably insist a guard be with the two of you while she's here, at least the first time she visits." Bucky muses.

"Considering I still don't know my way around, I'd probably have a guard be with us anyway so we don't end up hopelessly lost." You shrug with a smile.

"Do you plan on inviting her soon?"

"I'd like to invite her tomorrow unless we have plans." You say.

"We don't. Feel free to invite her. She can stay for dinner as well if she'd like." Bucky tells you.

"Dinner? Did you want to meet her?" You look at him with a confused frown.

"If she's as important to you as she seems, of course I want to meet her." He says as if it's the most obvious thing in the world.

"Okay, I'll talk to her about it, fair warning; she can be a little intense." You tell him.

"I'm sure I can handle it." He smiles.

"Say that again once you meet her. If I want her to come tomorrow I should call her."

"Would you like to do it before dinner? I can take you back to your room if you want to make that call now." Bucky offers.

"That would be great actually." You say standing up. Bucky stands with you and walks you back to your room.

"I'll see you at dinner my dear." He says once you reach your room. James hasn't used pet names with you often, but it seems that he's beginning to use them more as you spend more time together. Each time he does your heart jumps a little.

"Of course." You nod before going inside.

"Hi y/n, you're back. I thought you'd be with the king until after dinner." Izzy says.

"Oh, yeah, I have to make a call before dinner." You tell her.

"Oh well I'll leave so not to disturb you." She says, slipping out of your room before you can tell her she doesn't have to leave. You quickly find your phone and dial your best friend.

"Oh my gosh, you're alive! I was starting to think I'd never hear from you again."

"Hello to you too." You chuckle.

"Yeah yeah whatever, hello- tell me everything." Monica says.

"That's not why I called you actually."

"So you're not going to tell me how life at the palace has been?" She huffs.

"It's been- pretty good. The place is huge Monica, I mean you've seen it, but there's so much more to it than what we saw at the party a few weeks ago. I get lost all the time, but I don't think I have time to catch you up on everything right now, I was just wondering how busy you are tomorrow?" 

"For you? I'm never too busy. Why? Is everything alright? Just because he's the king doesn't mean I won't kick his ass." 

"Cool it Mon, he hasn't done anything. I just wanted to see if you had time to come around for a visit." You chuckle at her.

"A visit? Like to the palace?"

"Yeah, I told the king we see each other all the time and that I missed you so I asked if you could come up here and he said it was fine." You shrug.

"Shut up!" She gasps.

"He even invited you to join us for dinner, so if you promise not to act like a total weirdo- you can meet him when you come over."

"Oh come on! He's pursuing my best friend, what kind of friend would I be if I didn't give him the seventh degree?" She scoffs like it's obvious.

"The seventh degree?!"

"Yeah, I'm way more intense than three degrees."

"Please try to remember he's the king and not some random guy from Tinder." You warn.

"The king is not above reproach."

"Monica please be normal. You have no reason to reproach him." You sigh.

"Is he treating you well?"

"Yes, he's very kind to me."

"Then you have nothing to worry about. Tell me how it's been."

"Well we've gone riding, had picnics, sometimes we go on walks together. It's been nice honestly but I won't go into all the details right now, we'll talk about it all tomorrow and you can ask me as many questions as you can fit. It's almost time for dinner and I feel rude keeping James waiting."

"James? You just call him James?"

"That's- his name."

"I mean I know but he's also the king, doesn't everyone address him like- with the title."

"Technically I only have to do that in formal settings I think. He told me to treat him like I would any other suitor." You explain.

"He sounds so sweet I can't wait to hear how your first weeks with him have been. And yes, I will ask you at least a million questions about it."

"I'm sure you will and I'll tell you everything tomorrow. I'm free all afternoon so just ring me when you get here." You explain.

"Alright well enjoy your dinner, I will see you tomorrow." Monica says. You say your goodbyes and hang up, excited that you'll be seeing your friend tomorrow. You make your way down the halls to meet Bucky for dinner. When you get to the dining room he's already there and he stands to pull out your chair for you.

"Did you call your friend Monica?" He asks, sitting back in his seat.

"I did! She said she can come by tomorrow." You beam at him.

"And will she join us for dinner?"

"She plans to yes."

"Does she have any allergies? Foods she doesn't like?"

"No allergies but she doesn't like brussel sprouts and she's one of those cilantro tastes like soap people." You tell him.

"Cilantro taste like soap?"

"Yeah, it's a whole genetic thing, did you not know?"

"No? I've never heard of that. I don't think anyone I know has ever mentioned it." Bucky laughs. From there you launch into a discussion of weird food quirks of your friends and his as you eat dinner. You can only hope he and Monica get along as well as you get along with both of them.

***

Part 3/???

Tagged Users: @calwitch

[sameglasses]

i'm sure many people talked about it before, but i actively hate how the ts crew deals with ads, merch, or even basic communication and i need to rant about it too a little (the rest's under the cut, i didn't think i'd be that long but here we are lol)

there's another youtuber that i admire a lot more for this. half his channel is "regular" videos on pokémon strategy, and the other half are livestreams, let's plays, best-of etc (his name is Fildrong btw, if you're speaking a little bit of french and you like pokémon go check out his content, he's super funny) this dude knows how to run a channel, and it shows; he always keeps in touch with his fanbase, letting them know what comes next for videos, let's plays, merch, bigger projects, etc. he reaches out to artists whenever he needs to and pays them decently by the way, he lets the fans know when he's going to have some rest, etc etc. you know, basic stuff

and you wanna know the best part? he's doing this alone. he makes collabs with friends or artists, obviously, and he has an editor for his best-of only, but he runs most of his channel on his own

Thomas and his team don't get this; they're not a group of small creators anymore, they're running a whole business, and it hurts to see a business this big doing it worse than some dude doing more "modest" content on his own (depends on the videos tho, i don't think a roadtrip throughout Europe on a bike is what you could call "modest") (yes, Fildrong did that. twice. the absolute madman)

they're trying to capitalize on a series that's slowly dying because of the lack of communication, or even respect for its fans. i don't think Thomas himself is that invested into it anymore, but i'd much rather him telling us that than trying to make as much money as possible without making actual content. hell, if he even wants to cancel sanders sides altogether for any reason, i'm fine with it!! i'd be disappointed for sure, but at least he'd stop the massacre and do a Cartoon Therapy 2.0

you could claim that because Fildrong has a much smaller fanbase, it's easier for him to communicate with his fans, and to that i'll answer: Markiplier someone else made the same comparison (i can't remember the url, wave if you're here buddy), but Mark doesn't have this problem either; he also keeps in touch with his fans, to let them know about his next project, a little about what's going on in his life, sometimes, when he's going to take some vacations etc, because he knows what he's doing. and he's one of the most popular youtubers ever

what's their excuse to just even tweet "hey sorry for the delay, the next episode is going to take some time" or something like that?? while we would be thrilled to see new content, we'd appreciate even more honesty. the last video made me feel like being taken for an idiot that would willingly give their money away for some over-priced bullshit because look!! a totally new sanders sides video!!!! not a tasteless ad disguised as actual content at all!!!!!

(and yeah, i know the team isn't responsible for the price of the plushies. i'm still allowed to complain about it bc yeah i guess they're kinda cute, but i'm not spending so much money for this) (i don't even think they ship those in my country anyway)

[nikethestatue]

Hello, this is going to be long, but I really need to ask. Why do you claim to like and support Vassien, even reblog Vassien posts and fanart, but then reblog Elriel posts that speak bad about Lucien?? Is not even critizing the character, is calling him a shitshow and even worse. As a Vassien shipper I don't like this. I follow you for your Elriel and Elain content but I can't understand why you do this. Many Elriels say they like Vassien but I've seen them writing about how much they dislike and even hate Lucien, even in the Lucien tag. I like both Elriel and Vassien and I don't get why you would spend so much time in a character you loathe. Some even called him an abuser and days later reblogged a post about how Vassa and Lucien are going to be endgame. If they think he's an abuser, why do they ship him with Vassa? Some even participated in Vassien week, which happened recently. This annoys me because I think it's very hypocritical. The Vassien community is small and some of us are usually into other ships too. We try to keep our community umproblematic and positive but is very hard like this. And I say this because most of the people doing that are Elriels. I do thank the ones that actually ship Vassa and Lucien because they like them and create content but the people that ship Vassien and then spend hours online writing about how much they hate Lucien need to be stopped.

Quite simple, really. I am not a monolithic person who only likes ONE THING.

I can like and appreciate various characters, and still see that they are flawed and imperfect.

In my house, I love and respect Nesta Archeron--can I also say that she was an absolute douchebag at certain times? Can I say that she was incredibly rude, petulant, self-pitying, lazy and mean? Totally. But she is a complex character, to whom I relate on many levels, whose pain I understand, and whose reactions I get as well. I KNOW I'd behave very similarly in some instances. She is a mirror to myself and I don't always love what I see.

Do I love Rhys? Yes! He was my first ACOTAR love. Do I have a problem with some of his decisions? You bet! Do I hate how he treated some of his closest people, including Feyre? Um, YEAH.

Same goes for Lucien. Has he done good things? Yes. Has he done bad things? Also, yes. No he is not a perfect cinnamon roll who's never put the wrong foot forth. He is a pretty complex and interesting character like a lot of them are.

Do I like Vassien as a ship? Yes, because it makes sense to me, and I would like to see it happen. It makes a whole lotta more sense than Elucien for example. But honestly, if I see great Elucien art, or something that I find interesting and attractive, I'll reblog that too, so much so that people ask me if I am an Elucien? I am not, obviously, but it doesn't mean that I can't appreciate certain things about the ship.

Also, when I reblog certain things, it doesn't mean that I agree 100% with everything that they say. Yeah, the verbiage of the original post was a little rough, but I agreed with the general sentiment.

Now, just for future reference, for everyone--the only ship that i cannot stand, will never support and that genuinely gives me the heebies is Gwynriel. I cannot deal with Gwynriel on any level: I don't like anything about it, I hate the potential dynamic, I hate how problematic it is on every level, I find it ridiculous, juvenile, boring, uninspiring, recycled and unoriginal.

It doesn't mean that I hate Gwyn or Azriel. I simply hate them together as a romantic couple.

Lucien and Vassa together intrigue me, I think there is a lot to work with there, from a narrative standpoint. I think they could have an amazingly interesting story. But it doesn't mean that anyone is above criticism.

That's all. Also, I am too old for extremism. Time mellows all things.

[havendance]

No that makes sense!

My issues with the way Helena's Bruce issues is less that they exist and more the way that it's executed in canon. She wants to be accepted by Batman, she wants to be respected, she wants him to acknowledge her. I think that's interesting. My frustration comes more from the way it's executed.

In her original '89 solo, she spends most of her time operating completely separate from Batman until they team up at the end and we get this on the last couple pages of the final issue:

(Huntress (1989) #19)

Helena: (internal) Funny. Throughout that whole experience... I kept hoping that Batman would accept me. I guess it's foolish, but I kept thinking that maybe he'd grow to like me, see me as a kindred spririt. I half-expected him to say... "Why... I'd be proud to have you as my daughter..." Or something equally... ...cornball. Maybe because my own family was such a failure, I guess a part of me wanted him to be my family.

Which is just, the sort of thing that I think that could maybe work if it weren't so heavy-handed and so obviously because Huntress pre-crisis was Helena Wayne his daughter and thus they felt the need to address it, but coming in without that knowledge, it just feels out of nowhere.

This happens again in her (not good) 1994 mini where it's handled even worse:

(Huntress (1994) #2)

Helena: I wanted his approval. I guess I still want it. Crazy, huh? I needed his permission to creep around rooftops in the dark. I have a father fixation for a guy who dresses like a bat.

It's just heavy handed and we've got the psychoanalysis that I just do not like. And like in context, she woke up naked in the bed and the detective walked in. He proceeds to mansplain her backstory to her. It's just not great.

Those are the two most egregious examples, but they stood out enough to me to really just turn me off of the concept. Like I said at the beginning, it's less that she's hung up on Batman and wanting his approval (even though I think she should just break free, but like, I can acknowledge that it's part of her character), it's the framing of it in a way that just feels like it makes her character less than Bruce and the way that it feels like it only exists because of Helena Wayne. There's just something about having her repeatedly psychoanalyze her self that rubs me the wrong way. Let her be blind to it and justify her thoughts to herself!

Anyway, Greg Rucka also kind of did this in Cry for Blood, but I give it a pass because a) it's clearly riffing on everything else, b) it's not Helena doing it to herself, and c) Helena gets to tell the Question he's full of shit.

(Batman/Huntress: Cry for Blood #4)

Vic Sage: He created you by setting an example. And as with all parents you struggle against him, seeking both approval and liberation. Helena: You saying the Batman is my father? Vic: In a manner of speaking... Yes. Helena: You are so full of it.

That was kind of a lot, but I appreciate hearing your thoughts! It's one of those things that canon kind of poisoned for me but I'm slowly coming around to thinking about in different ways.

(In the Dick-Helena roleswap AU, Helena has dick grayson-flavored daddy issues which are way less about her psychoanalyzing herself and more about guilt and hanging questions and are they or are they not father and daughter which I just find more fun :) If you want to know more about the AU, I've talked more about it before here!)

Thinking about the dick helena roleswap au again. See when DC comics writers give Helena batman daddy issues it's silly and lame. But when I do it, it's sexy and cool.